I’m thinking how ironic life can be. I just saw and ad on TV for this gizmo that is supposed to add a full cup size just by pulling your bra straps tighter. I have no use for this, having been told recently that I am, officially a triple D. That is DDD. I had been 2D for as long as I can remember. Of course like most women, I was probably just wearing the wrong size bra. This whole 3D thing has me freaked out. The only 3D thing I ever knew growing up was a movie. Remember those? You had to wear those crazy cardboard glasses. Now while wearing the new bra and looking in the mirror the girls have been lifted up, way up. My husband, Doug, said that now they almost look fake. (As if I wasn’t self-conscious enough before.) Remember the old sci- fi movie from the 50’s- The Attack of the 50 Foot Woman? In my mind now, she and I can wear the same size bra. Logically I know that’s not true. However, as every woman will tell you, it’s their own perception of themselves that matters.
When I was much younger and there was a hurricane approaching Houston my friend and I chose to ride out the storm at my parent’s house where we thought we’d be safer, since we both lived in an apartment complex nearby. We brought our laundry over to do while we were there. My mom pulled out Diana’s bra from the dryer and said “Oh look, a Barbie bra.” Everyone shared a big laugh then. Back then I thought it was a bummer that she couldn’t wear certain things because they just weren’t flattering on her less than ample chest. Now that we are both in our late 50’sthings have changed. My friend can still go without a bra and look OK. I, on the other hand, look like I have been a professional wet nurse for the last 30 years. Of course there were more than a few times over the years when they worked to my advantage. I used to be a face painter at the Renaissance Festival and had to dress in a period costume. Wearing a demi bra, the waist cincher and the full skirt I looked voluptuous. (Too bad I can’t dress like that everyday.) I was single then and made the most of the attention.
I came from a long line of gigantoid bosoms. I remember being rocked by my grandmother when I was little and thinking she was so soft- like pillows. I didn’t realize until I was much older than my grandmother never wore a bra. In the early 70’s my father purchased an evening dress for my mom for a business dinner. It had a plunging neckline, to say the least. Mom tried it on and came out to model it. She filled it out and it looked great. Instantly my dad announced that she could never wear that dress in public.- Strange how that dress was never returned to the store.
It was obvious to me that my fate was sealed early on. (I was the only girl in Brownies with a training bra.) I was even OK with them in my 20’s and 30’s when, although they couldn’t be described as “perky” they still looked great under clothes. I remember coming home from college with a halter top on and no bra. I was admonished by my mom as soon as I entered the house. “Go put a bra on. You’ll regret it if you don’t.” Who knew? I was 18 and listened to very little my mom told me back then. Of course she was right and that statement has come back to bite me on the backside. Over time they have slipped, drifted, migrated or dare I use the dreaded “S” word- sagged.
The good news is that I’m married to a great guy who swears he loves my boobs. I guess that should be all that matters. He said there is even a website called “Big Naturals.” He’s encouraged me to look at it saying that they all look like mine. However, I’ve never even been tempted to go there. I watch women on TV who have TB, (tiny boobs), lamenting their fate. If they only knew what I and all the other BB’s (big boobed) deal with every day-bra straps that dig into your shoulders, the chafing in the hot weather, not being able to find a dress that fits in the bust, the underwire that’s popped out and is shish kabobbing you at the exact worst moment of the day. Not to mention the fun you have when you go bra shopping. Size DDD and above can’t even be found in most stores. So, when you do find one somewhere, you practically have to take out a second on your house to pay for it. And you can forget pretty and sexy bras. Most of them look they’ve been made by the Army Corps of Engineers- structure and support you know. On the plus side though I can always get a job posing for National Geographic so I’ll never be unemployed.
So I guess it’s true that you always want what you don’t have.
