Evelyn and I went to 24 hour fitness again today. She heads straight to the stationary bike. I head to the treadmill. I notice that most of the people using them are 45-65 yrs. old. It was 3:30pm and I reason that most of the younger folks were still toiling away at their jobs, hitting the gym on the way home or after dinner. That time of day is a good time for boomers to go. The boomers are there dressed in oversized T-shirts and navy blue shorts. They are not there to impress or meet anybody. They are there to either pay penance for a lifetime of overindulgence or they are fighting to win a war against gravity. Of course if you ask them, many won’t admit the latter, but we all know it’s true. The benefits of exercise are numerous, documented and discussed daily on TV and in print. However, underneath it all, everyone wants to look better.
I set the treadmill for a cardio workout- 3.4 mph and 25 minutes. The digital display tells me that the elevation will adjust automatically to get and then keep my heart rate at 125. I turn on my IPOD, put the earbuds in and start listening to a mixture of Billy Joel, old disco and tunes from the 50′s. (It’s an eclectic mix.) When I put my hands on the treadmill the display said my heart rate is in the 59. A few minutes later I notice that the elevation is rising. That’s OK. It was expected. My heart rate is 63. The elevation rises again. Now it’s at 9. The digital display says my pulse is 65. I’m sweating like I’m participating in the Eco-challenge; it’s noon and I’m in the rainforest.
By now, I’ve pulled out the earbuds. I’m starting to wonder what’s going on. (I know I’m not in that good of shape. My heart rate by now should be at least at my target-125.) While I’m pondering, the elevation goes up to 11. I feel like I’m trying to run up the backside of Lombard St. in San Fransisco. The digital display says that the elevation is going up again. That’s it for me. I didn’t think to press the big, red STOP button. Instead I frantically start pressing the down arrow to reduce the is 138-well beyond what it should have been. Eventually I see the stop button and get off. On the plus side, I burned as many calories in 8 minutes as I usually do in 20- and I didn’t die. (Something I really wasn’t sure of just 10 minutes before.)
After Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride I walk over to the counter at the gym. I explain what happened and I’m given a surprised look. “Well that shouldn’t happen”, I’m told. (That much I had discerned myself, thank you very much.) What I found interesting though was that they didn’t go and put an “out-of-order” sign on the machine, or unplug it. So, even now, that treadmill lies in wait for another unsuspecting boomer. So the lesson today is -Don’t believe everything you see or you might wake up with Kurt or Tiffani zapping you back to life.
