Bodacious Boomer

The Houston Police Department recently announced that they are training some police officers to be able to draw blood on people that they suspect of DUI. I have never driven drunk. I’ve ridden tipsy or worse a few times. Drunk drivers scare the beejeebees out of me. When people get drunk, they get stupid. I will illustrate.

About 10 years ago, my friends and I went to a bar in Galveston while out husbands set up our face painting booth. Mardi Gras was going to start the next day. The men had decided that they could do without our help or even our suggestions so we went on across the street. Typically the day we leave home to go set up is crazy busy. I usually don’t eat that day til we’re set up. Since I really don’t like the taste of booze I ordered a Long Island Iced Tea. It has vodka, gin, rum, tequila and triple sec in it. Strangely however, it doesn’t taste alcoholic. Anyway, I had one and felt great. Then had one more, then one more. I really don’t recall what my friends were drinking or very much of what went on the rest of the night. I did wind up with a questionable tat though.

After a few hours at the bar we were lucky enough to make it back across the street to our spouses. (Thank God the street was closed already). I do remember hugging tightly a 55 gal. trash can as I deposited some of the liquor I had consumed into it.  I’m sure I looked like quite the lady. I remember holding my head out the car window and barfing on the way to the beach house.  I think I actually wet my pants at the same time. How Doug got me up those stairs I have no idea, but he did.

When I woke up the next morning I politely asked Doug to shoot me, which he declined. I thought about throwing myself down the stairs. However, I figured that with with my luck, I wouldn’t have died, but just gotten really screwed up instead. We had to go to the Walmart for some last minute supplies on the way to the booth. Upon entering the store I walked by McDonald’s and all the breakfast smells were spilling out into the store. I had to walk directly through them. It was nauseating. I tried a bite of crackers remembering that’s what I ate with morning sickness- no luck. I tried a piece of banana- no go. It felt like a steel drum group from Jamaica was playing in my head. I’m not asking for sympathy. I got what I deserved. Later, when Mensa heard about the incident they revoked my membership since I had lost so many brain cells.

By the time we got to the booth I had the shakes (tremors, not milk.) Not to mention all the bands had their speakers up to max volume. Helen Keller could’ve heard them. I sat there for 12 hours having to deal with obnoxious drunks; painting  whatever they put in front of me- faces, boobs, etc. (In my defense, I’ve never been called an obnoxious or mean drunk). After that night I didn’t touch a drop of booze for at least 5 years. I’m probably lucky I didn’t die from alcohol poisoning.  I did make 1 good choice that night though. I didn’t go to eat seafood with our friends. They told me that next day that they’d both blown scallops out their noses when they were “indisposed” at the beach house. At least I didn’t waste $20 on a good dinner.

Knowing what stupid things drunks can do I’m a fan of this new policy by the HPD. I know most people won’t be. (The whole “big brother” thing and all). I think though whatever can be done to help cut the death rate from drunk drivers should be done. Every holiday on TV you hear- “In a sad story tonight a family was killed when a drunk driver ran into their car”. It  seems too that usually the drunk driver lives through the wreck.  “It was  Mr. X’s third DUI offense”. I not saying don’t drink. Just don’t drive. Doug’s such a zealot he won’t drive even if he’s had just one beer.

Anyway, I’d heard about this clip awhile back and saw it on YouTube. Remember- friends don’t let friends drive La-Z-Boys drunk.