Bodacious Boomer

Today’s posting is about sex. (If there are young children around you may want to send them to another room). According to Live Science.com penis length matters more to men than women. Having been around this mortal realm for awhile now and having spoken to numerous female friends about this, I concur. According to the article most men, when at attention, are between 5.5″ and 6.25 “. Women vary on this of course. But I think for most of us, this is just fine.

I have one friend who used to call her boyfriend “The Big Polaris”. She said that although it was impressive to look at, it really didn’t have another other redeeming qualities. (It didn’t know any tricks or anything). Mark, the owner of said awesome appendage, thought that he was God’s gift to women, because of his impressive “rocket”. Apparently he was quite the self-centered soul, never really caring if his partner ever reached orbit just so long as he did. Size isn’t everything- a concept this pompous ass couldn’t quite grasp.

I was also told of another man who was the proud owner of some massive manhood. First thing in the morning in his dorm room, Walter would throw back the covers and place fist over fist on himself climbing up Mr. Happy til he got to the top. (Remember doing “chooses” to see who’d bat first when you were a kid? Kinda like that). Normally I might find that hard to believe. However, it was his male, heterosexual roommate that told me. I’m guessing God gave Walter that to compensate for making him one of the ugliest people to ever walk the face of the earth. He had ears that stuck out like handles on a sugar bowl through his thin, oily hair. (Combined with a hook nose and no chin he looked like a caricature come to life).  His personality matched his appearance. It was actually kinda sad.

There is another condition that unfortunately I personally saw once in my life, not long after jumping into the pool, so to speak. As he was undressing the guy was already apologizing. (I was kinda freaked out, not knowing what to expect). It’s called micropenis. After seeing it, I called a male friend the next day and asked if this was something I was likely to encounter again. I was relieved to hear “no”. He also said was “Poor bastard. I’m surprised he hasn’t killed himself”. I never saw that poor guy again. Over the years, I just referred to him as “The thumb”.

Much later in life I coined the syndrome PPS- Puny Penis Syndrome. I’ve said a lot of guys had PPS over the last few years. (Although I never knew any of them in an intimate way). However whenever a guy is being a gigantic hemorrhoid, I figure they’re PO’d about something and PPS seems as good as reason as any. Men could save a ton of money on things like Extenze if they’d just realize that’s it not quantity but quality that women really want in intimate encounters.

One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen pertaining to this issue was on Curb Your Enthusiasm. A guy who’d been accused of having PPS offered up a different theory.