Bodacious Boomer

Another year is drawing to a close; with that another year will start, bringing with it another chance at redemption. Ah yes, I’m talking about losing weight. Most folks over indulged in their normally “forbidden foods” at sometime over the holidays. (I know everyone in my family did). And of course I could’ve climbed back on my “wagon of health” yesterday and started on the road to a healthy lifestyle once again. I know exactly what to do. I really do. I can recite fat and calorie counts faster than you can look them up online. Normally I’d just blame my lack of willpower and excesses on Bad Michele. (We all know she’s made some less than stellar decisions in the past). However, as part of my new year, I’ve decided to take full responsibility for all of my actions. (Besides I think some folks were beginning to think I was a multiple personality). Nothing that exotic, believe me. Bad Michele was just an easy excuse of my bad choices.

I wonder just what percentage of advertising the first two weeks of the new year will be for weight loss? I bet it at least 10%- ads for pills, liquids, gyms, clinics, CD’s, programs and machines. My favorites though are the bizarre electronic gizmos that make the adipose tissue magically melt away while you sleep….if only. I think most of us know the one magic exercise that will guarantee weight loss- pushing yourself away from the table after putting less on your plate; sad, but true. Mental Floss has an article- “A Brief History of Dubious Dieting”. In it, William the Conqueror, in 1087 was credited with starting fad diets with his “all liquor diet”. He died after falling off his horse- go figure.

Horace Fletcher, a San Fransisco art dealer became known as the Great Masticator. He was a proponent of super chewing each bite of food until it became liquefied. John Harvey Kellogg, of cereal fame, was a nutrition and health nut who ran a sanitarium in Michigan, where he encouraged his visitors to “Fletcherize” with a little song he wrote called “Chew Chew.” The movie The Road to Wellville, is a comedy about the sanitarium. For the most part, the movie got bad reviews. We saw it. I thought it had some funny parts; although it wouldn’t probably amuse everyone. Not a movie for kiddos though.

Around the same time, the parasite diet came into vogue. Some people actually ingested tapeworm eggs in an attempt to lose weight- Eww! It was rumored that Maria Callas, the famous Greek soprano did just that in the 1950′s, after she lost 80 pounds. The idea of intentionally having a worm grow in your body creeps me out more than I can describe.  Of course there were also those who thought that smoking cigarettes would keep you thin. (Check out the tiny type at the bottom of the ad- No throat irritation-No cough).

Anyway, I’m just about ready to climb back up on that wagon again. I expect I’ll be seeing some of you when I get there. If you get there first, please save me a seat.