Bodacious Boomer

I ran away from home yesterday, literally. You know how every relationship has peaks and valleys? Well Doug and I have been in a valley for awhile now. It isn’t that we don’t still love each other. We do. But for us, we’ve been in a valley. He’s stressed about money and has been acting like a troglodyte for about a month. Finally, yesterday, I’d had enough. Evelyn was coming to get me for the gym. Before she got there I called and asked if I could stay over. She said OK so I packed my bag. About that time Doug came in and I told him that I was running away with the “Gitsys”.

If we acted up when we were growing up my mom would say she was going to give us to the Gypsy’s. (That’s what her mom had told her.) Of course in the 20′s and 30′s there were Gypsies that went from town to town so it was truly scary then. When I was little I couldn’t say Gypsy’s, instead I said gitsys.  Before I left yesterday, I printed a 1 page ltr to Igor explaining my displeasure. (It was in big type and double spaced so it’s wasn’t really that long.)

Evelyn and I went to gym. I got on that treadmill and went faster than ever. There was smoke coming from it! I was a woman on a mission. It’s a good thing I did go to the gym yesterday because when I was done, at least I felt somewhat more calm. Doug did call Evelyn around around 4pm. However, she told him that I was not accepting his calls.

Evelyn made 2 steaks for dinner and we sat here enjoying the storm. A huge cold front blew through last night. Cats and dogs and all manner of beasts came down from the sky along with the thunder and lightning. I didn’t hear from him again last night. However, when I got up this morning, Evelyn said to check my “sent” mail. Here’s what was there-

Please forward this to the Voodoo Priestess Michele.  She has
apparently deemed it necessary to put a curse or spell on her long
suffering husband.  I was on the way to the Realtor’s office to verify
they had completed the requested paperwork.  I was in a hurry trying
to get there by 5:00 P.M. and neglected to check my gas level.  I ran
out of gas across from Taylor High School. (This was curse number
one.)

Then I decided given my ostracised status to walk home.  Unfortunately
it was raining extremely hard at the time.  (Curse number two.)  I
found a Wal-Mart bag put my phone in it, left a note on the car and
ventured out when the rain slowed down some.  Well the rain let-up was
short lived (about 100 feet).

I would not succumb to this curse so I continued on. The Voodoo
priestess was not done. The rain was quickly joined by howling winds
and 5:30 traffic who seemed amused by this “crazy man” walking in the
pouring rain.  I am sure the height of their entertainment was me
getting splashed by the rooster tails coming off some of the cars.
(Curse number three.)  Some in fact were so amused they attempted to
increase the size of the rooster tail by speeding up. (Curse number
four.)  There were three or four times the splashing water was easily
three feet over my head.

All of this was exhasberbated by the fact I has to wiz something
fierce. (Curse number five.) I had to go so bad I actually considered
going right through my shorts while I was walking.  After all they
were already soaked.  I decided against that.

Then as I crossed over Mason Road into the wetlands.  This would be
the area in front of the dirt yard which was featuring mud sucking
today. (Curse number six.)  I made it through the wetlands and came
upon a water meter which I stepped on given it was not mud.  The top
to the water meter caved in and my foot went into the hole. (Curse
number seven)  I was not injured, if anyone wants to know.  Next I
came upon the car wash which was a welcome sight.  I had been looking
for a place to duck into and wiz.  This was perfect.  I quickly found
a spot and relieved myself. I luckily was not arrested for public
urination.  This would have been the old last straw. I was probably
safe because curses must be like sins they come in groups of sevens.

So tell the priestess I do love her but will not be intimidated by her
curses. Tonight I am going to put every TV on sports and turn on every
light in the house.

Soggy but safe.

He can be pretty funny. Wouldn’t you agree? He sent another email to Evelyn 30 minutes after the first one. Here you go-

I just heard the weather.  There were tornados, lightning, and hail
during my trek.  I am grateful I was spared the big guns.

Soggy.

After I read the dig about all the lights being left on and every TV on sports I’ve realized that he’s not sufficiently contrite yet. So here I will stay. Evelyn is a sewing wiz, so we’re thinking of making a voodoo doll and leaving it on my front porch today or under the windshield wiper if he’s home and the car is in the driveway. I’m not sure how long I’ll be here. It might be awhile. We’ll see. Anyway, I just thought you might get a chuckle from all this.