Bodacious Boomer

I always wanted to be a world traveler. It started out when I was just 9 years old and I took my first plane ride. I thought the stewardesses (that’s what they were called then) were soooo glamorous. The ones on Pan Am, the turbo-prop plane we took from Houston to Jamaica, wore powder blue suits with pillbox hats- very Jackie Kennedy. As we flew, all I thought about was being a stewardess when I grew up.

My mom was freaked out that morning, although then I had no clue why. Years later I discovered our trip was just a month or so after the Cuban Missile Crisis. (I guess mom was waiting for us to be blown out of the sky as we flew by Cuba.) I was just wondering why mom was drinking booze on a plane at 8am.

Through junior high I always thought I’d be a stewardess when I grew up. Sadly, I never grew up enough and was never tall enough to qualify for training. So instead I grew out; not to sideshow degree of course, but big enough. (I think I just had an epiphany.)

Prior to marriage I did a fair amount of traveling on my own. I was young and fearless. After marriage my feet became glued to the ground, travel wise. I’ve been wanting to get up and go again for awhile now. However considering somewhat recent events I’m beginning to rethink my heart’s desire.

Let’s see- I got attacked by bedbugs in Austin. It was a vile experience. The itching was so severe I thought that I was going to literally, flay all the skin off my body by scratching; and if that wasn’t bad enough, it persisted for three days. Nothing reduced the itching. From a distance people probably thought I was in the midst of detoxing.  Not to mention I looked like I had the pox. I was a vision, let me tell you.

While residing at the Motel 6 for two weeks last month I was treated to a live version of the Jerry Springer show in the room right next door courtesy of a screaming 30-something woman.  (“No momma, I just got out of rehab, remember?? I am NOT going to give daddy any more money for crack! I want my kids back momma! You can’t keep them from me. )” Momma was on the other end of the phone so I could only imagine her side of the conversation). You meet such nice people when you’re away from home.

I’ve read recently that in addition to all the usual fun that folks have these days while traveling, some airlines now are actually considering instituting a fee for carry- on bags or even charging for using the toilet. I’ve heard that some folks are actually wearing multiple layers of clothes while flying just to lighten their bags. If the airlines figure that out what’s next? Will they demand that people fly naked? That could bring it’s own new set of problems some of which I don’t even want to imagine. Eww. Hot coffee, turbulence and naked passengers? Ouch.

Here’s a special item I read about last week. A woman at a Hampton Inn was about to use the potty when, just before she sat, noticed that a snake was slithering around in the toilet bowl. What’s next- locusts?

I still have wanderlust; but for now I think I’ve got it under control.