Michele On July - 16 - 2010

Recently Evelyn and I decided that we needed to get back to being healthy and exercising, at least until our trip to NYC (when all bets are off). With that in mind, on Monday we went back to our local 24 hr. Fitness.

Evelyn’s a big believer in water aerobics. Me, not so much. Since my left knee had been hurting because of a torn meniscus I decided to give it a try. She bounces up and down on a foam noodle while walking in the lap lane.

I decided against that. One, I have no noodle. (No laughing please.) And two, it just doesn’t seem to me like I’d really doing enough- exercise wise, that is.

So, I decided to swim laps. Now you may laugh.

I’d seen a number of tiny Vietnamese ladies at the gym swimming laps. It didn’t look that hard. Stupidly, I didn’t remember that looks can be deceiving?

I’d pay for my stupidity.

I went to the wall, pushed off and gave a hard kick. I was swimming! To be entirely accurate. I just wasn’t sinking. Actually calling it swimming  might’ve been somewhat of a stretch. Having never quite mastered the face turn sideways- breath in- face down- breath out- part, my swimming form lacked something- form.

My only solace was that the water was only 4.5′ deep. So I knew I wouldn’t drown. I swam and swam as far as I could and then stopped before my heart exploded. To my amazement and dismay I’d only gone half a lap. 25 yd. pool =75 ‘ divided by 2=36′. NO WAY!! Ester would have been ashamed of me.

I think if the pool had been deeper, a lifeguard probably would’ve jumped in to saved me.

On the plus side, I’ve read the short bursts of intense exercise are best. It was intense, let me tell you. I thought I’d just jog in the lap lanes for the rest of our time.

That was working out well until I looked down and saw that the top of my suit had shifted and that my left ta-ta was almost completely out of my suit, almost pulling a Janet Jackson. As I readjusted, I looked quickly to see if anyone else had noticed. There was an old guy sitting with his legs in the Jacuzzi. His eyes were fixed on me like Gort’s laser beam in the Day The earth Stood Still. Oh yeah, he saw.

I was done for the day.

But I’m happy to report that although I had a rocky start, as of yesterday I did 3 whole laps. Not consecutively, but 3 laps nonetheless. (One full and 4 halfs.)

As a public service to the sighted world however, I am going to buy a new suit, one more appropriate for actually swimming as opposed to just sitting about, hopefully preventing another wardrobe malfunction.

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9 Responses so far.

  1. Sean O says:

    I don’t like pools. I do like hot tubs and watching boobs. Maybe I should come back to visit for a spell…

    • Duffy says:

      Hi Sean. Your original generic comment about your son having found a kinky bar in NYC was funny, because it wasn’t directed at Michele or any of her body parts. Since then, NOT SO MUCH

      I think I may check to see if she can block specific people from commenting on her blog and then suggest she do exactly that…. Unless, of course, you’d like to start showing her the respect she deserves.

  2. Good on YOU, Michele. Shame on the old guy.

    Mother Connie

  3. bunbytes says:

    Sean, you are crusin’ for a bruisin’. I sure hope Doug doesn’t read these comments. Don’t you think you’re comments are getting a wee bit personal and over the top? For Michele’s sake and those of us who also read the comments could you back off a bit and be less icky?

  4. Holly B says:

    I love to swim but the older I get, the more claustrophobic I get about going under the water.
    When I first saw that picture I thought it was from The Weeki Wachee mermaid show… now THEY are some swimmers.
    Holly B recently posted..ZOMG – Its CaturdayMy Profile

    • Michele says:

      Claustrophobic under water- Is that like when Mike Nelson on Sea Hunt way back when would enter an underwater cave and get stuck? I remember thinking “Don’t go in there!” But he always did. Of course he always got back out.

      What are Weeki Wachee mermaids?

  5. Duffy says:

    I’ve never liked to swim, but I can do an impressive side-stroke (at least it feels as though I look impressive), and I can dog-paddle for hours. (I think anyway. Never actually tried.) I don’t SWIM, though. Never cared for it, never saw the point

    HOWever…. I’ve also never had a boob pop out of my bathing suit, Ms. Bodacious. I’m very embarrassed on your behalf. I’m also cracking up laughing, so sorry. P.S. I’m shipping you a noodle even as I type. You may thank me later.

  6. Michele says:

    The only reason I’m swimming now is to keep my blood just screaming through my arteries; assuming that it has been, which I admit might be somewhat of a stretch. Thanks for the noodle Duffy.

    I’d probably rather have a bunch of noodles with alfredo sauce, however I suppose that’s somewhat counterproductive.

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