Bodacious Boomer

For those that do not know, I’ve been planning a trip to NYC to attend BlogHer, a national conference for over 1,000 bloggers. I think it’s going to be really great and a lot of fun. I got my ticket just a month or so ago. Since then I’d been asking Doug “Are you going?” over and over.  Well in usual Doug style, he’d been putting me off. I mean why decide today what you can decide tomorrow after all?

Finally I got tired of asking him and instead asked Evelyn if she wanted to go. She and I were making plans to go on Amtrak- Dallas to Chicago then east to NYC. Well then, lo and behold, I saw white smoke from the chimney! Doug had made a decision!

He would go too. Well now, that changed everything. So now, instead of Amtrakking up to the Big Apple, we’re going to drive. Three peas in a minivan. This should be interesting. Doug and I haven’t been on a long road trip together in about 5 years, and never with Miss Evelyn. I’m not anticipating any problems; but we’ll all be together for almost 2 weeks.

After his proclamation yesterday Evelyn and I started looking for a  hotel in Manhattan. It’s amazing what $100 can get you; or not get you in this case. (I know; I sound like a yokel.) I’d told Evelyn the last time we were in NY we’d stayed at a Motel 6 in Long Island and even 5 yrs ago it was $105/per night. So after much searching and discussion, we made reservations at the Staybridge Suites in midtown. It’s pricey, but it’s new and we have a free hot breakfast everyday, free wi-fi and a full kitchen (just in case anyone gets the late- night munchies).

After she made the reservation she told Doug our part was $800, which I thought was pretty good for 6 nights. Doug didn’t say anything, but he became a little pale. He’s OK with spending the money. But whenever I do spend that much, I try to tell him about it in smaller chunks, instead of one big bite. (The elderly are delicate you know).

Once upon a time, when we were still driving all over the country doing festivals, Doug had what he thought was a great idea on how we could save money on hotels the road. We would just sleep in our cargo trailer! With all our festival shit still in it + 4 dogs and us sleeping onto of it all! What a plan. I will illustrate. See below.

At first, I thought he was kidding. He was not. I immediately started looking for empty bottles of Wite-out or anything else he might’ve been huffing, for obviously he was not in his right mind. I am claustrophobic and Doug knows it.

I can’t stand the thought of being in a box when I’m dead. Why the Hell would I want to be in a small box when I was still alive? What was he thinking? Was he thinking?

Now pls keep in mind that Doug has an MBA with a double major. He’s no dolt. But what he was thinking I cannot even imagine. The trailer was 6′x12′= 72 square feet, of “floor space”, so to speak. Now for the sake of illustration, I will allow 6′x2′=12 sq.’ for Doug and 5′x2′=10 sq.’ for me. (That’s laying space.) That leaves 50 sq’. Now you add in the dogs and Poof! all the “extra” space is now gone; and to top it off, I wouldn’t be able to see the TV that he planned to hang from the ceiling of the trailer, because I can’t see over my boobs if I’m lying flat.

And to make things more cozy, the ceiling, AKA the roof of the trailer, would only be about 2′ over my head! Not to mention you’d have to climb over shit to get into and out of it and of course, no bathroom.

When he told Brett about this grand plan, Brett looked at him like the RCA dog. “Did you really think mom was going to  go along with this?” “What? What’s wrong with the idea?” was all Doug said.

Having been unable to find any bottles empty from Doug huffing, I started looking for an empty pod husk ALA Invasion of the Body Snatchers; for I calculated that Doug must’ve been replaced by an alien. No husks.

To this day, I have no idea what he was thinking or where that idea came from; but lucky for him he’s never mentioned it again. Men.