Bodacious Boomer

Good morning! Doug, Brett, Evelyn and I are still in Manhattan and sharing a room. It’s been quite an experience.

Evelyn is still insisting that Brett leave his shoes in the hallway. I cannot disagree with her edict. God made him handsome, funny and smart. I guess he had to be given something to keep him in check- but that? Detectives could use his shoes after he’s worn them on a hot day to make the most hardened criminal confess. Whips, dripping water, electrodes to the twins? Any of that would be preferable to being next to his shoes when they’re off his feet. “OH GOD NO!, NOT THE SHOES! ” I bet I could actually sell them to law enforcement. Hmmm…

Monday we struck out to do our touristy thing- which we did.We took the subway or walked everywhere. The subway wouldn’t be so bad, but it isn’t just down, then up. Sometimes it’s down then up then over then down and up to just to get on 1 train.. And it is hot down there. I can’t say I wasn’t warned. My friend Yakkity had told me to take buses. However, they just don’t seem to get you everywhere you need to be. So I have become queen of the mole people.

Our first stop of the day was Central Park. It was great; and with it’s gently sloping paths and bridges it was much prettier than Hermann Park in Houston. Being a big fan of Law&Order it was very interesting to see a place I’d seen so many times on TV. I thought of laying behind some shrubs pretending to be a corpse, but with my luck, someone stranger would’ve found me before Doug did. Actually with my luck it would’ve been NYPD. Then I’d have some explaining to do.

Doug and Brett thought it’d be great to walk a lot yesterday, so we did that too.Luckily the past few months I’d been doing the treadmill at the gym and boy am I glad I had. There was no way I could’ve kept with Doug had I not.( He’s got long legs and likes to walk fast.) Evelyn kept up with us for a bit, then slowly fell behind, needing to stop for a rest. We stopped and waited with her. After her second rest period she started bitching. “How much further?” She asked this at least one time every block from then on. Doug and Brett both rolled their eyes and looked at me. Just WTF did they think I could do?

I looked for a Sherpa to schlep her. I was willing to pay big $$$. However, we were in a sherpa-less zone, per NYC ordinance- 126.5. Apparently when they weren’t kept  busy, those amazingly strong little men would just go about picking people up. Some hoity toity types complained. So a few rotten apples ruined it for everybody.

I know we walked down Broadway, Park and Amsterdam Avenues. Although my friend Yakkity said I’d be tarred and feathered if I didn’t wear attractive footwear, since I knew I’d be walking a lot, I wore my New Balance. Contrary to her warnings, people didn’t actually cross the street to avoid me or cover their children’s eyes to shield them from my poor choice of footwear. I was not shunned.

As it turns out, I didn’t actually have on my offensive footwear all that long anyway. My shorty socks kept slipping down, thereby giving me a ferocious blister. I girded up my loins and kept on going for another 6 blocks. Finally however I gave into the pain and said “Screw it”. I took off my shoes and walked down Broadway in my socks.Of course now I slowed and was walking at Evelyn’s pace and I had to listen to her cuss and bitch-more- a lot more. Between Doug, Brett and myself we did odds and evens to see who’d push her in front of a taxi. I lost.; so the guys went on ahead and I waited for my chance, just looking for the taxi driver we’d had a couple of days ago.. Lucky for her, I never saw him.

In the meantime I was still walking down Broadway in my socks. I owned it. A man with an enormous camera took my picture. I think WWD may actually be doing a feature about this new trend. At least I hope that’s why he took my picture… In retrospect I think I may instead be featured in Glamour magazine with a black bar across my eyes.

We finally got the Museum of Natural Science. Unfortunately it was about 4:15 when we arrived; it closed at 5:45. That museum was enormous, much bigger than Houston. It had multiple rooms of cool dead things- well their bones anyway. They had a turtle on display the likes of which I’d never seen. The shell, by itself was 8′x10′. That’s one big ass turtle. There was also skull of a T-rex in a glass case. That skull was at least 3′tall and 6′ long.

There were rooms upon rooms of skeletons. Most of them looked pissed. Doug said “This must’ve been one scary time.” The museum had just the forearms and hands of a dino. It’s arms were at least 5′. The hands with claws were terrifying. ” The better to tear you apart with”… The exhibit was fascinating yet sobering at the same time.

Probably the highlight of our visit was when we saw Evelyn hanging from the ceiling-

We got to it before she did. She saw us laughing and knew right away why. She laughed too. That’s why I didn’t push under the taxi.

Now in the interest of accuracy I must admit that actually, this set of choppers came from a Megalodon. For those not familiar this is one ginormous shark. And by ginormous I mean 4x the size of a great white.