Michele On March - 25 - 2011

Well it’s Friday and my profile at Ashley Madison has been up for over two days and I guess I’m happy to report that I’ve received numerous “winks”. Of course in reality most of these guys are probably just heinous trolls who we already know have no moral compass, so I don’t know why I should be happy. But it’s always nice to think that someone finds you desirable.

Doug, having been raised by an emotionally constipated mother, has never been big on verbal professions of love or for that matter even compliments. He never heard the words “I love you.” from his parents while growing up. But then he never saw his parents hug either; so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m lucky he isn’t more screwed up than he is.

I find that sad indeed.

In the first few weeks we were together he couldn’t compliment me enough, even going so far as to ask  “Do you have any flaws?” He drug my pedestal around with us everywhere we went.

Of course that was when we were in our ” laser eyes” stage and I could’ve served him poop on a plate and he’d have said it was fabulous and have asked for seconds.

I know that stage couldn’t last forever. It’d be unrealistic to think that it could. We got nothing done during those weeks, but went to work and had sex. A friend of mine actually had an acronym for it FLAB- fuck like a bunny.

Still, I miss those days. Not so much the sex, which we still have; but just the euphoric feeling when you’re around that one certain someone.

After our two kids were in school, he told me that I “good breeding stock”. (I guess he wanted to make sure that they didn’t turn out butt ugly before making such a grandiose statement.) He laughed when he said it and said he was just kidding; but as you can tell it has stuck with me. I still throw it back at him from time to time.

Occasionally he will write me a sonnet; but they almost always devolve into a dirty limerick something along the lines of “There once was a girl from Nantucket…” The man has some real serious issues that I don’t see getting fixed in this incarnation.

Still, I love him passionately and know that he feels the same way about me, even if I don’t hear the words all the time.

But he’s a package deal like we all are and his positives way outweigh his negatives.

Anywaay…after reading more of the emails I was sent via Ashley Madison I’ve now removed my profile there, never wanting to hear from any of those men again. The experiment is over.

I was severly creeped out by most of the men I heard from there.

Doug had just better live forever, because I don’t think I could handle dating ever again.

But I have a question for those of you in a long-term relationship. Is the romance still in your relationship? Not the cards on the usual holidays, those don’t count; but the true romance?

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28 Responses so far.

  1. KAREN says:

    No romances….No relationships, No vibrator!
    I haven’t even had a date since 1979!

    Don’t know how that happened except that after two divorces (one child each) i just was too busy supporting 2 children on my own, working several jobs, and collapsing in a heap at the end of the day. By the time i pulled myself up out of the poor house I was in an age bracket that didn’t offer too many opportunities. Oh, Well….

    Hey, (now that I made you feel sorry for me) why haven’t you become one of my followers?……kt
    KAREN recently posted..163-WHAT A MAROON!My Profile

  2. Cheryl P. says:

    This year we will have our 40th wedding anniversary so I consider I am in a long term relationship. I wouldn’t say that the romance is the same as year one, two, or even five. BUT the “oneness” of this is ever growing. We are so much a part of each other. When he calls it is to talk about what I was just thinking about. Same sentences are often spoken at the same time. He had better outlive me as I think I wouldn’t be “me” without him. I know that is politically incorrect. We aren’t suppose to be tied to another person’s identity. Well, too fu**** bad. At 15 I thought we was cute, at 19 when I married him I thought he was wonderful, at 59 I think he is my world. He doesn’t need to send flowers and cards (he does pretty often though) There isn’t a day without an I love you going both ways.
    Cheryl P. recently posted..Who Needs a SuitcaseMy Profile

    • Michele says:

      I know and love that oneness. Some people think it means your too close. But I don’t agree. In our case, we’ve been self employed since God was a child so we may be even more in tune with each than most.

      If I say I love you, he says it back. He’s just usually not the first to say it; and I wish he did more often; but he can’t help himself.

      Congratulations on 40 years. That’s quite an accomplishment and thanks for popping by.

  3. Donna says:

    that is so sad his parents never told him they loved him.
    Donna recently posted..Frack You And ShoegasmsMy Profile

    • Michele says:

      I totally agree. About 4 years ago we were up north at an event near his mom’s place. As a surprise we had Amanda join us up there when we were finished. We thought it’d be a nice surprise for his mom who hadn’t seen her only granddaughter in almost 10 years.

      When she opened the door, Amanda was standing there and all she said
      “Hello. How are you?” No overt emotion, big hugs or anything like that.

      Amanda went to the market with her later that day. The woman actually stood and had a protracted conversation with a friend without ever introducing Amanda.

      When I found out, I was pissed. Thinking back I’m surprised he isn’t more screwed up than he is.

  4. Pam says:

    That’s a tough question. Hubs isn’t the most romantic guy but he’s not totally unromantic either. There have been times when he has written me songs or poems or brought home a little gift or card just because. Most of the time though, he ends up ruining everything by saying something stupid. And there are so many things from the last 28 years that I’m still not over–his family for one, just don’t get me started on that—and my mind will wander to something like that and ruin the romance. So, it’s not dead, but it needs work. Does that make sense? Do I miss it? Sometimes but not very often. Unless I’m watching one of those love movies, one that’s well done, and then I do. Oh but the little glances, the I love yous and the hugs and kisses–those are all still alive and well.
    Pam recently posted..NewMy Profile

  5. Michele says:

    I think you put it quite well, it’s not dead but it needs work. And like you I miss it most when I just saw it in a movie. But I guess we’re lucky to still have someone after all this time and at least most of the time, be happy.

  6. Aleta Woods says:

    We are working on year #36 and I would not have any other way. Oh yes, we have our moments, but since we are those nuts who believe God brought us together, then He knew best what I needed. My hubby finishes my sentences, we think the same thing at the same time-in fact, we tell each other to get out of each other’s head. We have known much pain with losing a baby and having a child/adult with ADHD and other issues, but it has grown us closer. Yes, there have been times I could have bean-poled him with an iron skillet. I just lost my cousin at age 62 and a good friend at age 63 in the last month.Their wives want them back for another 30 years. I agree that I want mine around for another 30 too.

  7. Eh up! After spending all my life in long-term relationships (except the last two years), I can safely say that nope, the romance does not last. It seems to be replaced by a deep love and friendship… which my dear, you seem to have with Doug! Excellent!

    P.S. I am so sorry that I missed your Skype call. I have been in London most of the time and Steve was looking after my laptop. He told me you called ….. Maybe we can catch up this weekend when it is not so hectic ;-)
    Annie (Lady M) x recently posted..I want to buy your blog – Rant AlertMy Profile

  8. Michele says:

    No worries kiddo. I’ll try to catch you in this weekend. How’s the not-so mangy cur doing?

  9. Darla says:

    I cannot compete with these ladies that have been married for 30+ years, since I am still a young one but I am in my second marriage and it has lasted longer than my first. My husband and I are very much alike. We have the same passions, same values, and we snuggle and hug each other tight every day. However, we have different temperaments. He’s the hermit worrywart. I am the outgoing, on-the-go, recovering worry-a-holic. So sometimes the temperaments clash but we always have something to talk about and we don’t like being outside of each other’s “circle of love.”

    Has the romance changed? Well, you know how men act like they are interested in doing certain activities when you are dating but years later you find out that they really hated it and won’t do that anymore because they don’t have to once they are married. Can you tell that I have experienced that? Yet we have grown into that oneness, that dependency on each other and I don’t care if that makes me old-fashioned. That is true romance IMHO.

    My opinion on those romance movies and effing Disney…well I think they have done more damage than good for many women and men. I love some of that stuff but in reality, we don’t see that cute couple after that happy ending. Let’s check that couple out where opposites attracted 20 years down the road. Then we’ll see.

  10. Michele says:

    Miss Darla you are wise indeed. It would seem that the oneness that has been so frequently mentioned here is the true definition of romance.

  11. Janet NZ says:

    25 years married. Romance? No…. that would be HELL no! Songs, poems, gifts??? Pah! If our marriage ended tomorrow, would I marry again? – HELL NO! I married a man just like my Dad, two men with less than ideal childhoods (Dr Freud would have a field-day with me!) Both are really good men, despite their deeply shitty early years. If there are faults in our relationships, perhaps it is down to me – I am, after all, the common denominator here. Sorry, too much wine has been drunk tonight (there ought to be a law against posting pissed)
    Janet NZ recently posted..Facebook! Bah!!My Profile

    • Michele says:

      I too married a man much like my dad. Although I didn’t really realize it til years later. However on the romance side I believe my dad was more romantic. At least I remember him that way.

  12. Carol W says:

    Alas no romantism here either. Hubby’s idea of foreplay is a tap on the shoulder and that romantic word “Well?”
    Carol W recently posted..Mamma Miahere I go againMy Profile

    • Michele says:

      I get “Wanna play around?”

      And he thinks those 3 words alone should turn me into some wild insatiable being.

      He is confused. Still, I always I get my train to the station; but sometimes getting the train actually started can be a daunting task indeed.

  13. Jeanne Kraus says:

    Very interesting comments. I am on my second marriage. My first husband and I were good friends for 21 years. We still remain friends and were able to have a “good” divorce for the sake of the kids. My second husband is more of the “bad boy” type totally different than anyone I ever knew. I would say his idea of romance is more cave man like. You know the type that picks you up by the hair and slings you over his shoulder off to his lair. Well he’s a bit too old to do that, and my hair is too short but I think those are his dreams. Not romantic but we enjoy each other and we have similar senses of humor. He is very supportive of me as a writer and teacher and I of him. He also takes good care of me when I am sick or hobbling around on crutches!
    Jeanne Kraus recently posted..The Second Crusade ChallengeMy Profile

    • Michele says:

      Sometimes that same description could fit Doug as well. But just like your hubs, Doug is really good to me when I’m sick or broken.

  14. Since I couldn’t have great gobs of money in this life I was lucky in love instead. We dated for three years, lived together for ten, and have been married for eight and it’s still magic!
    iamtheworkingpoor recently posted..The Waiting TimeMy Profile

  15. Fun post…. and I just got married last year… so it’s great now, fingers crossed that it lasts!
    Brahm (alfred lives here) recently posted..RIP Dame Elizabeth TaylorMy Profile

  16. TRACK says:

    M, Traded him in for another model, alot of nibbles, no bites! :-)…

  17. Chris says:

    My wife and I have been married for 9 years and she travels often. We have a 5 year old son. I knew with kids things would change and there isn’t that FLAB time lol but it seems the romance has faded more than I realized it would. I do chat with women online some to flirt as an outlet but have never strayed and have no intention of straying. I just like the excitement of it. I had an Ashley Madison profile but I didn’t really like it much.

  18. Selma Shannon says:

    Congratulations on 40 years. It sounds to me like you and Mr.
    Selma Shannon recently posted..Cancer TipsMy Profile

  19. Nadine Fitzpatrick says:

    He doesn’t need to send flowers and cards (he does pretty often though) There isn’t a day without an I love you going both ways. Not romantic but we enjoy each other and we have similar senses of humor. Lucky you kiddo. You know the type that picks you up by the hair and slings you over his shoulder off to his lair.
    Nadine Fitzpatrick recently posted..Many MopsMy Profile

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