Michele On November - 11 - 2011

Yesterday was Amanda’s birthday.

Our baby turned 26.

I still find that hard to believe, since when my neurons are all talking to each other and not leaving me in a menopausal fog where I can’t remember what I said 2 minutes ago, I still feel 26.

About 30 years ago when my mom was the age I am now she said “You don’t get old on the inside”. I never really understood what she meant at the time; but now as I am getting older I really do understand. And for once, mom was right, really right.

My mom wasn’t right about a whole bunch of things as she got older because as she got older her relationship with Mr. Jim Beam became increasingly more important to her. So important in fact that many times it was her sole focus. And that was sad for the rest of us to watch and be around; especially for me since I was usually the one she usually went after when she was drunk. She was a mean drunk.

I still don’t know how a 110lb woman could drink almost a quart of bourbon a day, every day, but she did. And amazingly it wasn’t the decades of drinking that finally ended her life. Her liver was fine. And she beat cancer three times. Perhaps bourbon has health benefits that have to this point gone unrecognized.

But enough of this philosophical BS. Now back to her birthday.

Doug and I had 2 cards ready for her yesterday. We  even had a little gift. It wasn’t much cash wise; but it was cute. The problem was that yesterday I couldn’t find where I’d put it.  That is an example of suffering from CRS- can’t remember shit. Oh, if I could only have my 26 yr. old brain again. Back then I never misplaced anything. But if I had a 26 old brain stuck in this body it’d probably just be frustrated so I guess it’s better than my brain and body match; until I can get my new ravishingly gorgeous android body that is.

Anyway, such is life; Amanda will get her present when I find it. And lucky for me, she’s OK with that.

Late yesterday Evelyn picked up Amanda and I and took her shopping for make up goodies for her big day. Amanda loves going to Sephora. I’d only been there once or twice before. If I need something I just usually pick it up at the Walgreen’s or the Walmart. I’m not overly choosy about makeup, probably because I don’t wear it everyday.

When we got to Sephora they were dispensing mimosas and gourmet chocolates to their shoppers.

And when we got to the cash register I understood why.

Our bill was $452.36 and that was with a 20% discount!

And it all fit into 1 small bag.

Seriously, I almost wet my pants. In my 45 years of self-beautification I haven’t spent that much cumulatively. I told Evelyn they shoulda had a Sherpa carry her to the car. I’m surprised they didn’t have an AED on the wall nearby. If Doug had been there, he’d have needed a jump start for sure.

But Evelyn took it in stride, God bless her.

Now I understood the mimosas though. It’s hard to get really upset when you’ve got a buzz on.

I did get 1 lip stain/gloss thingy for myself.  The rest was them.

After that we all went to dinner then when she got home Nate had flowers and a cake waiting for her. So Amanda had a good birthday and thinking back that shot I got before the epidural 26 years ago was totally worth it.

We have a smart, beautiful, loving daughter and I couldn’t imagine having one that was better. We’re lucky.

Now onto news from the land of the odd…


I have question and an answer please.

Does anyone think this is odd?

Is dressing your little girl up like a hooker wrong? or I am just overreacting?

And if you’ve got an extra $31K laying about here’s a way you could’ve spent it:


I mean who wouldn’t want John Lennon’s discolored molar?

I’ve heard of people before that have paid for used chewing gum, etc. from celebrities; so I guess this should some as no surprise, but ewwwww.

I have locks of both Brett’s and Amanda’s hair from their first haircuts; but that’s as far as I went. My dad keep his gallstone in a jar in the bathroom cabinet when I was growing up and it freaked me out, so I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised; but at least that had been in him.

BTW- If anyone else wants something like that, I think the hospital still has my kidney stones; and I’ll be happy to let them go for only $1995. Just remember Christmas is coming. and they’d be a one of a kind gift.

So I guess that’s it for now. And although I’m still in a funk about LB, I have no choice but to pull myself up and start cleaning again. Unfortunately I don’t think Manners the Butler or a pack of maids is going to just show up and decrud our house, so I guess it’s left to us to do it.

And somehow that just seems wrong.

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17 Responses so far.

  1. Maybe that’s what I need, my 26 year old brain. My 27 year old brain is fired. Last night, I was looking for something and Branden looked at me odd and said, “you got up and threw it away just a minute ago; right before you grabbed the water.” This did not register in my 27 year old brain and I insisted that I hadn’t left the bed in hours and had no recollection of getting up and definitely not grabbing the water. I ended up in tears thinking Branden was teasing me and trying to make me feel like I was going crazy. I finally went to the garbage can, saw what I threw away and then had a shred of remembrance. I’m screwed when I have kids and then I’ll be lucky if I can how to put sweat pants on when I hit my older years!
    At least I’m not as screwed up as the crazy people that dress their toddles as prostitutes and buy a part of someone’s body just because they were famous!
    Padded Cell Princess recently posted..Week ReviewMy Profile

  2. fishducky says:

    This was copied & pasted here from an email I sent out today. It seems very appropriate to post it here.

    According to my theory—which is very true—the brain is like a computer. That is, it has a finite number of bits (or bytes) of memory.
    Old memories sink to the bottom as new memories pile up on top, until the brain gets full. The older you are, the longer ago the brain
    became full. Since we have no “delete” button we cannot “save” new happenings. I believe we older (than dirt) people are NOT forgetful—WE’RE JUST FULL!

  3. Michele says:

    That’s it. I just need Nate to install some more memory. Thanks Fishducky.

  4. Dazee says:

    wow, double wow, triple wow on the sephora. yikes.

    Toddlers and Tiara, OMG, someone needs to take that little girls mother and slap the crap out of her. C.R.A.Z.Y. You were totally right on your feelings for this one.
    Dazee recently posted..Oh, Really?My Profile

    • Michele says:

      I didn’t really know what to say when I heard the clerk. But after I spoke to Evelyn today I understood more.

      She had bought some anti-aging potion made from Yeti placenta. And you know how expensive that can be.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I like the idea of more memory being installed. Surely it would be cheaper than going to Sherpa??? No, I will not be bidding on your kidney stones. I did not even keep Gary’s stones- Henry, Harry , and Henrietta. I guess you will have to find your millions another way. Still friends anyway?

  6. Darla says:

    I think your mother was right too. You don’t get old on the inside. My best friend told me that she was 30 before she realized that she wasn’t 18 anymore. I feel ageless on the inside. I don’t feel the immaturity of 18, but somehow I am a wiser young person without advancing in age. Does that even make sense?

    Well, I am so against the pageants, not to the point that I am going to lead some kind of protest about them, but my girls have never been involved in them. I think those kids growing up in pageants end up feeling that if they do not look perfect then they are not valued. Also, I think it is insane what the mothers have to spend in order for them to win. They justify it by saying that the girls get scholarships for college, but that doesn’t make financial sense because they always spend way more than they win and they could have put that money aside all along in a college fund. College could have been paid for and those kids wouldn’t have to feel that their only value is in how they look.

    There is no way I would have bought John Lennon’s tooth. I didn’t even save my daughters’ teeth because I find it so gross. To each his own, I reckon.

  7. DWei says:

    Toddlers and Tiaras is a stupid show, even the kids think it’s stupid. I think one of the kinds remarked she was only in it for the pizza. It’s a thing for Mothers to live vicariously through the child.
    DWei recently posted..Me Not Healthy: Always Tired (Part 3)My Profile

  8. Michele says:

    You speak the truth young one. I think that’s exactly what it is. And in the process a lot of little girls are being damaged when they don’t win, thinking they’re just not good enough.

  9. Liz C. says:

    All we can do is:

    Pick yourself up.

    Dust yourself off.

    And start all over again…

    That said, my motto has always been: You’re only young once but you can be immature forever…

    Sorry, but the whole pageant thing is just fucked up, in so many ways…
    Liz C. recently posted..It’s Almost Like Being In Love…. That Giddy Feeling!My Profile

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