Michele On January - 21 - 2013

As anyone who knows me know I have been somewhat unhappy with my boobage for awhile.

Years in fact.

Of course it wasn’t always that way.

In my 20′s I loved my girls; and in fact even wore this very swimsuit when (like the fool I was back then) I laid out in the sun til I was a golden brown all over much like a rotisserie chicken.

Giz in his winter coar 075

Obviously having gone through my melanoma scare last year, the choice to lay out for hours on end like proved not to be one of my better decisions; but then over the years there have been so many it’s hard to single out just one. However, I’m getting off topic yet again… back to the subject at hand.

Needless to say, I never actually swam in that suit. Why I even still have it I have no earthly idea; but here I am drifting again. Evelyn swears I need Adderall.

Anyway, as I recall it only even got wet once; but that’s a story for another time.

I remembered a time when I even used the girls to my advantage–

My BFF and I needed to get our cars to be inspected. We knew neither of our cars would pass; however we had to go try anyway to buy ourselves 10 days. (In TX if your car fails inspection you get 10 days to get it fixed, during which time you can’t get a ticket for an expired sticker.) The check from the freelance job we’d done would be in within the week, after which we could get the repairs required; but in the meantime we needed those days.

Before we went Pam suggested I buy a new top for the occasion.

I bought a top that was so low cut and so tight that I had to make sure to avoid hungry infants while wearing it.

She frayed, and frayed, and frayed her cut-offs to the point that by compare a regular pair of Daisy Dukes looked like a burqua. (She had legs to die for.)

And so off to the garage we went with our automobiles, hoping for the best; and hoping too we wouldn’t be pulled over for solicitation on the way.

Did our cars pass?

You betcha.

Of course these days I’d never stoop to such tacky tactics; not that I could if I wanted to anyway. Over the last few decades my girls have developed an unnatural, and for me unfortunate, attraction to my knees and in the process are doing everything they can to relocate as close to them as possible.

But my trick to get my old car to pass inspection pales in compare to what this woman did with hers in an attempt to achieve famousity–

Ouch.

Did you ever flirt or use any of your natural assets to your advantage?

 

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17 Responses so far.

  1. I was never confident as a teenager to do stuff like that. Oh what a sad life I led. Much better now. I probably would use them to my advantage.
    Dazee Dreamer recently posted..Sunday Confessions – 1-20-13My Profile

  2. fishducky says:

    How did you get that video of me? I thought my lawyers had it removed!!
    fishducky recently posted..HARK! I HEAR A BABBLING FISHDUCKY!!My Profile

  3. Karen Anne says:

    I HAVE used my assets to my advantage many times..shamelessly..and THAT’S several long stories for another time… ;-) ..there’s GOOD ONES TOO…. but after watching this video I had to pet my twins and hold them softly and PROMISE them I would NEVER DO THAT TO THEM! I can’t even stand a mamogram because of the SMASHING!…. the Twins and I cried for hours after THAT! This is just plain and simple TATA ABUSE!

  4. Michele says:

    Tata abuse to the nth degree it is for sure Miss Karen. It looked most unwonderful for sure to me.

  5. Cheryl P. says:

    No, just like Dazee Dreamer, I wasn’t confident enough when I was a teenager or later for that matter. That doesn’t surprise me that your cars passed inspection. Every time I see a wreck of a car in Texas, I wonder how they got through the inspection. Now I know.
    Cheryl P. recently posted..That’s Not RightMy Profile

  6. Michele says:

    Hey, that was a loooong time ago. They tightened things way up since the Dark Ages. I feel sure that wouldn’t work any more even if I had the body to pull it off.

  7. TRACK says:

    M, She scared me! My girls still look pretty decent, love them…TRACK…trying to use them now ;-) ) )

  8. Michele says:

    I am most confused…

  9. Jenn says:

    My boobs aren’t that great…just big. My BFF’s got the attention. Once we went to a popular restaurant. The line was long and the wait was to be approximately 60 mins. My friend’s husband was like…okay when my BFF went to the guy and asked if he thought there was a chance of getting a table faster. He never made eye contact with her and said…yes follow me. We waited zero minutes for our table. My friend said to her husband…”Aren’t you a little upset with what just happened?” He answered, “I know I should be but I’m really hungry and we are getting seated now instead of 60 mins. from now, sorry.” We still get a laugh over that night!
    Jenn recently posted..Apparently My Messenger Bag Has HandsMy Profile

    • Michele says:

      Hiya Jenn, sometimes it’s just whatever works. There was even a Seinfeld episode about his date using her natural assets to their advantage.

  10. Andrea says:

    OMG — I tried to start watching that video and could NOT do it.

    No nonononono.

    Your first sentence drew me in and so I had to follow you on twitter. :>
    Andrea recently posted..Friendship.My Profile

  11. When I was young I guess I used my bod to my advantage, but I don’t think I was really aware of it. I’m sorry you’re unhappy with your boobage. I’m rather pleased with mine, except for the big boobs – big butt aspect. Perhaps you’d feel better with a different bra? I wear very comfortable yet sturdy cotton full coverage bras from Victoria’s Secret. They don’t have my bodacious size in the store. I order them online. I’m sorry I don’t visit every time you have a new post, but even though you’re on the list of blogs I follow, you never show up on my blog roll and sometimes I can’t even get to you by clicking on your name when you comment on someone’s else’s blog. I click and the computer just stares at me. Other times I click and reach you. Maybe it can see my boobs when it allows me through. I love you, and I feel blogger is trying to keep us apart. Life can be so cruel.

    Love,
    Janie
    Janie Junebug recently posted..MOVIE WEEKEND: HYSTERIAMy Profile

    • Michele says:

      Hiya Janie. Damien of I am such a Derp, can’t get to me either, That is he can’t comment no matter what he does. I have no idea just WTF is up with that.

      After Ecofab Arts launches I think I’ll change my template. Maybe that’ll help. I didn’t know Victoria’s Secret made bodacious bras. I’ll check that out. Thanks for the heads-up.

  12. DWei says:

    You’re lucky that you can use your assets to your advantage, or as you say, used to be able to do. I don’t think there’s a huge market out there for tall, skinny Asian men.

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