As anyone who knows me know I have been somewhat unhappy with my boobage for awhile.
Years in fact.
Of course it wasn’t always that way.
In my 20′s I loved my girls; and in fact even wore this very swimsuit when (like the fool I was back then) I laid out in the sun til I was a golden brown all over much like a rotisserie chicken.
Obviously having gone through my melanoma scare last year, the choice to lay out for hours on end like proved not to be one of my better decisions; but then over the years there have been so many it’s hard to single out just one. However, I’m getting off topic yet again… back to the subject at hand.
Needless to say, I never actually swam in that suit. Why I even still have it I have no earthly idea; but here I am drifting again. Evelyn swears I need Adderall.
Anyway, as I recall it only even got wet once; but that’s a story for another time.
I remembered a time when I even used the girls to my advantage–
My BFF and I needed to get our cars to be inspected. We knew neither of our cars would pass; however we had to go try anyway to buy ourselves 10 days. (In TX if your car fails inspection you get 10 days to get it fixed, during which time you can’t get a ticket for an expired sticker.) The check from the freelance job we’d done would be in within the week, after which we could get the repairs required; but in the meantime we needed those days.
Before we went Pam suggested I buy a new top for the occasion.
I bought a top that was so low cut and so tight that I had to make sure to avoid hungry infants while wearing it.
She frayed, and frayed, and frayed her cut-offs to the point that by compare a regular pair of Daisy Dukes looked like a burqua. (She had legs to die for.)
And so off to the garage we went with our automobiles, hoping for the best; and hoping too we wouldn’t be pulled over for solicitation on the way.
Did our cars pass?
Of course these days I’d never stoop to such tacky tactics; not that I could if I wanted to anyway. Over the last few decades my girls have developed an unnatural, and for me unfortunate, attraction to my knees and in the process are doing everything they can to relocate as close to them as possible.
But my trick to get my old car to pass inspection pales in compare to what this woman did with hers in an attempt to achieve famousity–
Did you ever flirt or use any of your natural assets to your advantage?