Bodacious Boomer

My life has been so crazy lately that I haven’t really been in my usual routine- the Today show, CNN and USAToday.com.  I didn’t even know that Tiger Woods had surfaced again and had a press conference. I was seriously out of the loop! Today I got to see about an hour of TV this morning. One item that made the news was this-http://www.wfmz.com/news/22890095/detail.html.

Catherine Pierce

What was all the hubbub about? Catharine Pierce, 52, of Boulder, Colorado, was in her yard awhile back tending her garden wearing only a yellow thong- not thongs, pasties – and pink gloves. From what I’ve heard on the news she is in fine shape. In fact, having been to Boulder, I think they have a 18% body fat rule. Before you can close on a property there they have a trainer meet you at the title company and measure your adipose tissue with a caliper. Eighteen percent or under, you’re cool. Over 18% and the closing is postponed. We were actually stopped at the city limits and had to sign an affidavit stating that we were there on business and would be leaving in 5 days. When we first visited Boulder many years ago, Brett called the Boulderites? a bunch of tofu-eating, tree huggers. Now, years later, he lives in Austin which isn’t so very different.

Now according to the laws in Boulder on that day, Ms. Pierce was within her rights to do her gardening dressed, or undressed as she was. (Since then I believe the laws are in the process of being changed). My question is “Why would she want to do this?” I remember, back when dinos roamed the earth and I was toned and my skin fit me like the leather on the seats of a Jaguar, that I would occasionally lay out tanning in only a swimsuit bottom- in my own yard.

I don’t have a problem with her being mostly naked, I don’t. When I went to Club Med being topless was optional. I opted not to. (Back then I should have). If I did it now, the beach would clear like Godzilla was coming ashore. (Oh well, at least I could snag an umbrella and beach chair then with no problem).

This is the only thong I'll wear while gardening.

What I have a problem with though is that she was gardening naked. Gardening means shears and other sharp things, thorns, and all sorts of chemicals or unpleasant little critters that personally I wouldn’t want that close to my lady parts. I mean really, a thong just doesn’t cover that much. I find it interesting that she covers her hands to protect them while she gardens, but not other body parts that don’t even usually see the light of day. Does anyone else find that odd? Could naked gardening really be a good thing and I’m just being unreasonable?

This is a T-shirt available from localyokelshop.com

According to USAToday the California Supreme Court has decided that it will no longer allow nude sunbathing on California beaches. I find it interesting that this happened in what is probably considered the most “free-thinking” state in the country. I’ve been on California beaches before. When some of the young and fabulous have on their “swim suits”  they are a lot closer to being naked than not so I don’t see what the problem really is.

California has a zillion miles of coastline. If a group of folks want to bare it all in a secluded place I don’t see the problem. I’ve read a lot of  comments on sites that have posted this story. Some say that those of us who are no longer taut and super toned should be isolated away from public view as not to offend their eyes. Perhaps I should start a Club Med for the soft or celluite set on Devil’s Island somewhere far from contemptuous eyes. A place where those folks could enjoy a beach without being pointed at.

Little do these young and judgemental realize that they too, like most of us will probably succumb to the ravages of age, gravity and excesses. (A few people are able to escape those ravages, but they are in the minority). One person who I think looks fabulous for her age is Raquel Welch. I just looked her up on IMDB. She is 68!!! I’m sure she’s had work done but she doesn’t have the Joan Rivers alienesque look. I think she might have some of the youth potion from the movie Death Becomes Her. Or maybe she’s a pod person from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Who really looks like that at 68?

Hippie Hollow on Lake Travis about 20 miles outside Austin has been a famous clothing optional park for as long as I can remember. It was there when I went to UT and I had a body to die for. (That was in a parallel universe in a land far, far away). I just never felt the need to go. However, I also have never felt the need to go railing about like Carrie Nation to advocate shutting it down. If people want to swim naked and they’re not hurting anybody so what? It’s not like Lake Travis doesn’t have a lot of other coastline, it does. That’s what confuses me about the hub-bub in California. They have 840 miles of coastline.

What’s the big deal? I mean I don’t enjoy the sight of a woman wearing a black mesh swimsuit that is 4 sizes too small for her so she looks like a ham more than anybody else. However, the last time I looked it was still a free county. Evelyn and I were at the gym recently and there was a man in the pool wearing a Speedo. He had made an unfortunate fashion choice for sure, but we did we survive? Of course. Besides if only the beautiful people were allowed at the beaches and the pools what would everybody have to talk about? “Did you see that water today?” Please. (You know you all do it). When I was 5 and in the pool at a motel a hirsuite guy popped up next to me with his back to me. I said “Monkey!” I wasn’t trying to be mean.  His back was so hairy I thought he was a monkey at first. That story has been told for 50+ years now.

Although I’ve never been to a nude beach or park I’ve seen documentaries about them. From what I can tell they are a lot less sexual than most beaches where the women walk around in thongs made from three pieces of dental floss braided together. When I was at Club Med almost 30 years ago it was “tops optional” on their beach. After the first quick “Did you see that?”, it was no big deal. There were kids at Club Med playing on the beach next to with women sans tops. (The kids didn’t even seem to notice). The only time my top has ever come off was when I was body surfing at that very resort and a freak wave dislodged by swimsuit top. I dropped beneath the water immediately and repositioned the girls so  they were covered. That was just my hangup though. Nobody there would’ve cared a whit.

Years ago when getting a dark tan was all the rage I’d undo my top while laying out by the pool so I wouldn’t have strap marks.  I laid out in the sun everyday and played spades all summer when I stayed in Austin to go to summer school. By the time I went home in late August I looked Hispanic I was so dark. These days though if you’re Anglo and you get a dark tan people just assume you’re ignorant. Besides with the economy the way it is, I can’t afford to buy the enormous amount of sunscreen I’d need to keep everything from turning bright red after a day of naked frolicking. That’s a good thing- trust me on that.

Not my hands- quite yet

You know you’re getting old when you look down and see your mother’s hands- attached to your arms. The first time it happened to me I was shocked. I thought I was in some parallel universe. (At least I’d hoped that I was). But nooooooo, I wasn’t that lucky. They’re my hands. Who knew you needed to protect your hands from the sun? When I was young sun blocks hadn’t been invented. By the time I was no longer young and dumb, the damage was done.

My dad had a job to oversee the installation of the water well system at Frenchman’s Cove in Jamaica in 1960.  My mom wore a powder blue suit and white gloves (this was back in the day when you dressed up to fly). She was nervous because we were flying so close to Cuba. I was only 9 and clueless as to why she was stressed.

Having grown up close to Galveston where the water often looks like Yoo Hoo, seeing the blue Caribbean was almost too much to believe. I stayed out in the sun swimming that whole first day. By that night I had my first bad sunburn. Mom slathered me with Noxzema. By the summer of 1971 I wasn’t going home from UT for summers anymore. I laid by the pool at my apartment by day after class and played spades by night. When I finally went home for a weekend In August, I was so dark I looked Hispanic. I thought my dark tan was great. Everybody, but mom thought it looked great too.

The second bad sunburn came during art school in 1976. The only day I ditched school I got sunburned. I spent the night at my friend’s house so my folks wouldn’t know. Did I really think that burn would be gone in a day? (I guess my brain got sunburned that day too.)  Busted-both at home and school. The last bad burn came when I went to Club Med in 1980. The allure of beautiful water, the Pacific this time, was once again too strong for me to resist. I spent the entire day body surfing and once again got cooked.  I sat at dinner so sunburned I had no interest in eating. I sat there hoping I’d pick up some parasite that would kill me quickly.

All of a sudden I was surrounded by GM’s (the staffers at Club Med). They popped off the lids of yogurt containers, scooped out all the yogurt into their hands  and smeared it on me. (They didn’t say a thing to me before they did it). Remember when Mrs. Doubtfire put her face in the cake and came up with the icing all over her face? That’s what I looked like. That cold, smooth yogurt felt so good on my cooked skin. I felt such relief I never thought to be upset with them.

Eventually, the yogurt will dry and you become covered in flaky, slightly curled pieces of yogurt. It looks just awful. Just soak those off in a tub or with a cool cloth, then reapply. I never peeled after that sunburn.  Amanda sent me for yogurt after she got a bad burn river tubing in New Braunfels. (The river ran really slow that day and her sunscreen just pooped out).

Of course these days I wear sunscreen and a hat whenver I’m out. Unfortunately, it’s like closing the barn door after the horse got out. Today’s trivia answer-the men of the Tuareg tribe in Africa when they turn 25.