Bodacious Boomer

 A huge pack of cougars were just adrift at sea. Have no fear. They were in no danger. They were safe in the hands of their “cubs”. Perhaps it should be the other way around. There was a huge pack of cubs at sea. Be very afraid. The cougars are after them. The first ever cruise dedicated solely to cougars and their prey just got back yesterday. The Carnival ship Elation was the epicenter for this groundbreaking or sea-breaking event. It was only $125 for a three day cruise. That seems pretty cheap to me. However I’m sure that Carnival was planning on making a gigantic profit off the liquor sales ( which I’m guessing may have been higher than usual).

For those who have just come to the surface from their bomb shelter or awakened from a lengthy coma I will provide the new meaning of the word cougar. According to the Urbandictionary, a cougar is :An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity — particularly the true hotties — as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together. Examples of cougars that all of us probably know are Demi Moore ( with Ashton Kutcher) and Susan Sarandon (with Tim Robbins). Courtney Cox is starring in a new TV show called Cougartown. She looks great. What man, young or old wouldn’t want to be with her?

Personally, I don’t have any problem when I see a couple like that. However, I always speculate on just what draws the two people together. I guess initially it’s just a physical thing. Some of these women spend hours in the gym and not an inconsequential amount of money to keep themselves in prime condition. If that’s what they want, fine by me. I wonder though just how much they really have to talk about with these young guys once the “slap and tickle” is over. I make a concerted effort to keep up with what’s going on in my kiddos world, so I don’t sound like an old fogey. Even so, I still find myself clueless from time to time as to what they’re talking about. And Doug- well forget it. They might as well be speaking Swahili or Swedish where he’s concerned. And although I like some of their music, most of it I could do without. I think it would really bother me to be involved with a guy who was dramatically younger than me. But that’s just me. To each their own.

While writing this though I started thinking about how I’d feel if Brett came home with a woman old enough to be his mother. I’m not so sure I’d be taking the high road then. I’d like to think that I could, but in reality, I’m not so sure just how I’d react.  Doug and I had a friend over 20 years ago now that had a sugar daddy. I guess it’s basically the same thing; only I’m not sure if the cougars are really looking for a relationship or just someone who doesn’t fall asleep in the middle of things or need pharmaceutical assistance to round the bases.

I think it would’ve been fun to have been a fly on the wall during the cruise. I’m sure that some of the lines being used by both the cougars and the cubs were just priceless. I wonder if there were any catfights onboard? I wrote about this phenomenon back in August. Here’s the link if you’d like to take a look-see-http://bodaciousboomer.com/2009/08/481/.

I watched the premier of  Cougartown on ABC last night. I really liked it. Since I am still monogamous after 27 years and usually happy in my marriage, the label of  “cougar” doesn’t really apply to me. (I’m not out looking for a younger man to have a tryst with or anything else for that matter). I don’t believe though that you actually have to be a cougar to appreciate the show. The show opens with Courtney Cox looking at her body after getting out of the shower. She looks great considering she’s actually 45 in real life. (I should look so good).However, she stands there jiggling her thigh and her triceps, realizing they’re not like they used to be. Somehow I found that comforting.-sad but true. It’s a very relatable moment for any woman over 40 for sure.

She explains to a friend that it’s not so much that she wants to be with younger guys, it’s just that the guys her age are all “broken, gay or dating younger girls”. I have a friend 53 who’s been a single mom for as long as I’ve known her, nine years now. She is not an unattractive in the least, taking yoga and spin classes. Her son who just started high school. Over the years I’ve met a couple of the guys she went out with for a while. One seemed nice enough to me. However, according to her, whenever they were “together” she thought he was going to completely sever her spinal cord. She nicknamed him “the biter”. Another one of her beaus apparently was an alcoholic and would get completely bombed whenever they went out. (She hated that). She kept him around for awhile though. Apparently he was quite the carpenter. (He had a large tool and was very handy with it).

I last spoke to her about a month ago. Now she’s seeing a guy again that she’d broken up with a few months before. She said he was a good guy, however she knew it really wasn’t going to go anywhere long-term. He has a bunch of kids from a previous marriage and just too much “baggage”. I see now that it’s a distinct possibility that she’ll be alone forever. That’s very sad.

I can’t imagine what it would be like for me having to be “out there” again and start dating- with all that entails. If you believe what was said last night on the show, I’d be competing with women half my age- women who’s boobs still point north and who’s short term memory was still intact? I don’t think so. Just the thought of that is extremely daunting to me. In addition to making me laugh, Cougartown made me realize just how lucky I am. I think I’ll show Doug some “appreciation” before he heads out for Dallas. Today’s trivia answer- He’s the voice for all AOL greetings.