Evelyn and I started went to the gym this morning, something we hadn’t done since November.

I couldn’t find my gym card this morning and fully expected to get lecture from Evelyn about it because she never loses hers. She never misplaces anything, the shrew.

Undaunted I approached the desk at the gym prepared to hear her diatribe and was told lo and behold they don’t require them anymore. Now they actually use you fingerprint. Apparently I wasn’t the only habitual membership card loser.

I was thrilled. Finally something I can’t lose and that I’ll always have with me. I gave the gym girl info as she scanned my index fingerprint into her computer. Then it was Evelyn’s turn. She was not so happy with the new system.

“It’s a little too Big Brothery for me.” she said.

Still like a good little camper she eventually acquiesced and scanned her fingerprint in as well. Since I’d driven a taxi for 3 weeks back in 70′s my fingerprints were already in a database somewhere, which was a good thing since it probably prevented me from a taking up a life of crime at some point.

The angels wept as we started up our treadmills. So did my thighs.

I did just over a mile today at an average speed of 3 mph. I varied the speed between 2.6-3.4.  The Houston Marathon is on Sunday. I could do it. It’d take me 7 hours and I’d be the only one still on the course by the end of the 7 hours, but I could do it.

I can’t run.

I can’t. I’ve never found a sports bra that has enough support. If I tried running now the girls would come flying up and black out both my eyes. It would be bad. Perhaps I could get the Army Corps of Engineers to design one that would have enough support…

But the good news is that the gym closest to me now has 4 Zumba classes a week. I’m excited. I’ve seen a Zumba class. It looks like fun. I know that by the end of class I’ll be melting like a snowcone in Phoenix, but that’s exactly what I need right now; and I like a group dynamic. There’s peer pressure to finish a class.

So feeling all good about myself after the treadmill and my 60 sit ups I got on the scale in my gym clothes and shoes while Evelyn was changing clothes. That POS scale was 10lbs. heavier than mine at home. 10lbs!

A skinny Minnie in the dressing room overheard my shriek and said “I never get on scale unless I’m naked and just went to the bathroom.”

That’s explains it!

I always been told I was full of shit. Now the scale just confirmed it.

Wednesday I called Evelyn and told her that I’d been to the doctor. We talked about my appointment for a bit and then I said “It’s time”. She let one sigh, and then another. Then she said “I knew this was coming”, resolutely. (She knew what was coming next). She didn’t want to hear it. “It’s been too long you know”, I said.  “I know, I know”, she said. “Tomorrow, then?” “Allright, allright. I’ll pick you up at 8am”.

So Thursday morning at 8:30 am, she came to get me with a smile on her face and a song in her heart. I said “Good morning”; and she said “Where?” And what was making my normally cheery friend surly? We not only started back at the gym yesterday; we also started eating healthy. I had an egg white omelette after the gym. She had a waffle, but only half. I know I’m finally back on track because although there’s a cupcake calling to me from the kitchen counter at this moment, I’m holding fast.

I thought I’d take the fitness test on the treadmill. I entered all my info and the belt started. I was in the warm-up cruising at 3mph. I thought everything was going pretty well until… the front of the machine raised dramatically and the speed increased to 4.5 mph.; 4.5 mph is no longer a brisk walk. It’s a jog, at least for me. For the first couple of minutes I did OK, although it sounded like a herd of elephants were running with me. After the first two minutes though, I decided that the benefit to my heart wasn’t worth the damage to my ta-tas. They hadn’t bounced that much in years. It was a bad thing. I still haven’t taken my bra off. (I’m almost afraid to). I’ve never found a bra that prevents bounce if you’re DDD.

I thought I'd aim for this look

Anyway, I think I’ll just let that cupcake  sit there and watch as it slowly petrifies. (I think it’ll petrify before it turns moldy). It’s really strange; once I’m being really good, nothing seems to tempt me. Although I’m keeping watch for bad Michele. (I really don’t need her showing up right now). She tends to pop in a lot, especially when she’s not wanted. If you want to read more about her exploits, just do a search for her at bodaciousboomer.com.

Anyway, tomorrow is the day. I absolutely hate starting back at the gym. Actually I hate it for about the first week. I go there  in my finest gym wear, a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt that way past  it’s prime.  I lumber onto the treadmill, get going and inevitably, some super fit person will hop on to the machine next to me and start running uphill like their pants are on fire. And to just put a cherry on my day, they don’t even sweat!

I wish there were two distinct sections in the gym- a section for those in shape and a section for those trying to get in shape. (It isn’t that I want to be labeled.) I want to freedom to choose what section I go to. But some days it’s just really hard when I’m doing a 15 min mile and the person next to me is doing a 7 min mile. I know, I know, I’m there for me, not for them…blah, blah, blah.

I did see this photo today and got inspired.  I think this is what I’ll work towards. Does she look really crazy or is it just me? This woman,  Cathy Jung, has a 15″ waist. Can you believe that? – 15 ” ! Miss Jung is just too “hourglassy” for me. (Honestly, I think she looks kinda scary.) I think I’ll keep my curves less severe, thank you very much.

This is NOT photshopped!

I don't seem to have the touch

Hooray! I woke up pain-free! This is a great day. I can move around again without having to think about it before I do. I haven’t been to the gym since Thursday when I overdid it in the pool. I’m hoping that I see the scale go down when I go to the gym next time. (Surely all discomfort must’ve been worth at least a couple of pounds). I’m at the library this morning because I can’t get online at my house.  I hadn’t realized just how much of my world is web centered til I couldn’t get on. I felt adrift. My whole routine was thrown off. I just sat in my home office (the extra bedroom), just staring at the computer. I was  trying to will it back to health- heal, heal, HEAL! It didn’t work. My career as a televangelist was cut short.

Apparently I’m not a faith healer so I spent the day without being able to get online at my house.  Since I felt so wretched from being stupid at the gym I thought I’d just lay in bed all day and feel sorry for myself, dictating my post for the day to Evelyn so she could enter it for me. I had totally forgotten that I’d agreed to take my neighbor’s out and about to run some errands. We were supposed to leave between 10-11. I was laying in bed, wondering how awful I would be if I rescheduled Friday’s outting for Saturday when the phone rang.

My neighbor Beverly, who had fallen and broken her hip about 6 weeks ago, was all ready to go. She had a question for me though, “Could I accompany her for a walk down the block before we go?” She’s doing rehab now to get back into good shape after her hip replacement. She’s already done with the walker and is just using a cane. Her recovery is nothing short of miraculous since I believe she’s about 75. Of course she was active in good shape prior to the fall, doing Tai Chi and really keeping on top of things mentally. I hope I’m as sharp as she is when I’m that age.

I had but a second to reply so of course I said “No problem”. (I think all baby boomer women were programmed at a young age to always say “yes”). Doug was already gone when she called so I didn’t have him to hang onto when I tried to get up and dressed. I mentally “girded up my loins”, since I didn’t have  any leather straps or buckles handy. The pain in my right leg shot through me like an electric shock. After that first jolt however, it was tolerable- not pleasant at all, but tolerable. It would have been better if someone had been there to listen to my whining, but I was all alone. I did complain to the dogs. However, they were unconcerned, but eager to offer me a face washing to get my mind off the pain.

So with no one to sooth me, I got over it, got dressed, went next door and for a walk with Beverly. Luckily, she didn’t notice my Hellacious limp, instead focusing on getting down the street without falling. After that I backed her car out of the garage and she and her husband Hank got in. Doug was back by now, saw the car backing up and walked over. He looked at me and said quietly, “Are you OK?” I crossed my eyes when I looked at him. (He knew what that meant). I thought we’d be out for about an hour. We were out for three. Getting in and out of that car with my right leg hurting that much was a spiritual experience. (I figured I was paying penance for something ugly I’d done in the past). Beverly and Hank never caught on. After I took them home, I went home, took some more Alleve and laid down. After dinner I went next door and used their computer to do yesterday’s posting.

Mentally, it felt great to go the extra mile. Perhaps that’s why I feel so good today. But whatever the reason, I’ll take it. Today’s trivia answer- you study legendary creatures- the Yeti, Loch Ness monster, etc.