Bodacious Boomer

Another year is drawing to a close; with that another year will start, bringing with it another chance at redemption. Ah yes, I’m talking about losing weight. Most folks over indulged in their normally “forbidden foods” at sometime over the holidays. (I know everyone in my family did). And of course I could’ve climbed back on my “wagon of health” yesterday and started on the road to a healthy lifestyle once again. I know exactly what to do. I really do. I can recite fat and calorie counts faster than you can look them up online. Normally I’d just blame my lack of willpower and excesses on Bad Michele. (We all know she’s made some less than stellar decisions in the past). However, as part of my new year, I’ve decided to take full responsibility for all of my actions. (Besides I think some folks were beginning to think I was a multiple personality). Nothing that exotic, believe me. Bad Michele was just an easy excuse of my bad choices.

I wonder just what percentage of advertising the first two weeks of the new year will be for weight loss? I bet it at least 10%- ads for pills, liquids, gyms, clinics, CD’s, programs and machines. My favorites though are the bizarre electronic gizmos that make the adipose tissue magically melt away while you sleep….if only. I think most of us know the one magic exercise that will guarantee weight loss- pushing yourself away from the table after putting less on your plate; sad, but true. Mental Floss has an article- “A Brief History of Dubious Dieting”. In it, William the Conqueror, in 1087 was credited with starting fad diets with his “all liquor diet”. He died after falling off his horse- go figure.

Horace Fletcher, a San Fransisco art dealer became known as the Great Masticator. He was a proponent of super chewing each bite of food until it became liquefied. John Harvey Kellogg, of cereal fame, was a nutrition and health nut who ran a sanitarium in Michigan, where he encouraged his visitors to “Fletcherize” with a little song he wrote called “Chew Chew.” The movie The Road to Wellville, is a comedy about the sanitarium. For the most part, the movie got bad reviews. We saw it. I thought it had some funny parts; although it wouldn’t probably amuse everyone. Not a movie for kiddos though.

Around the same time, the parasite diet came into vogue. Some people actually ingested tapeworm eggs in an attempt to lose weight- Eww! It was rumored that Maria Callas, the famous Greek soprano did just that in the 1950’s, after she lost 80 pounds. The idea of intentionally having a worm grow in your body creeps me out more than I can describe.  Of course there were also those who thought that smoking cigarettes would keep you thin. (Check out the tiny type at the bottom of the ad- No throat irritation-No cough).

Anyway, I’m just about ready to climb back up on that wagon again. I expect I’ll be seeing some of you when I get there. If you get there first, please save me a seat.

Dr. Mehmet Oz  was on TV again the other day. In case you didn’t know he’s the “go to” doctor on TV these days. He’s a famous heart surgeon and  professor of surgery at Columbia University. The first time I saw him was on Oprah about 2 years ago. He is well liked and easy to listen to. One of the most frequent topics that Dr. Oz talks about is poop. He can spend a solid 5 minutes talking about it with Oprah.

When I was a semi-young mom (I had Brett when I was 31, Amanda at 33.) poop talk was not unusual. If you met with your friends back then, someone was always talking about their kids diaper rash, diarrhea or constipation-almost every mom I knew had those small glycerin suppositories at the ready should their little one need it. Brett was actually hospitalized when he was less than a year old because of diarrhea caused by Rotovirus. My friend Rosie actually left Ryan crawl around sans diaper for awhile in attempt to get his diaper rash healed. (That always seemed ill-advised to me for obvious reasons.)

Once my kids were potty trained I kinda thought poop talk would be a thing of the past. I mean adults really don’t talk about it much. If you have a problem as an adult you either wolf down some Immodium or a big bowl of prunes. (Depending on which problem you have.) Thanks to Dr. Oz though poop has been brought to the forefront again. Of course, Dr. Oz wasn’t the first doctor to be focused on our poop. Dr. Kellogg, founder of the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Battle Creek, MI was all about the poop. There was a movie spoofing him called The Road to Wellville. It has some parts that are really funny, some really bizarre. (Not a movie for the kiddos.)

Anyway, according to Dr. Oz, our poop should “enter the water like a cliff diver in Acapulco.” Until I saw Dr. Oz I never, ever, would have thought about that. Although as I am getting older I’m realizing that the whole poop thing should be more of a concern to me than it once was, since apparently it can signal  a plethora of health problems. I must be more vigilant! At any rate here is a link for those who really want to know more about this. Oprah slideshow