I got home yesterday and found this: a pink yarmulke.

I wonder if our pack is trying to send me a message. Do they want me to convert and change my name to Myron? I hope not. I might consider one, but not both. They’ll have to choose.

Then a couple of minutes later I found this:

Oh well, at least I’ll have a lot of ventilation. Of course if I wear it and then it’s rains I’m screwed. But life goes on. At least it was one of my cheap summer hats, so it wasn’t a big hit financially.

Doug has a new project. He wants to make some things to sell on Etsy for Christmas. To that end, he’s been doing some R&D for about a week. Sadly he hasn’t gotten very far as yet in his quest. I finally made a suggestion about how to do something for it yesterday and it was summarily dismissed in a somewhat condescending way.

“OK. Do it yourself then.” I didn’t say much else at the time, but was none too happy when we left Home depot. It was a quiet trip home.

When we got home we went our separate ways. As I sat there I got more and more irritated thinking about how he’d treated me. It’s true my brain is not the same as it was five years ago. I know that. But I don’t want it pointed out to me unless it’s in a humorous way.

As I was sitting there, the clouds in my brain parted like the clouds in a religious painting when you see the ray of light coming down to earth. I had an epiphany. I made two phone calls, and solved his problem. It’s everything he needs to get on with his project. It can be done in one step and for only $50.00! My neurons and synapses had worked together and gave me the answer to his conundrum. I was thrilled.

Before I told him I’d solved his problem I asked, “If I solved your problem, would it be worth giving me a full body massage without the happy ending for you, unless I wanted it?”

“Yeah.”

I told him what I’d figured out and arranged. He was pleased. Now, I’ve got a full body massage gift certificate that I can use at my leisure. When we were in bed last night I told him just how pissed I’d been and how he’d hurt my feelings. “What are you talking about?” He swore he had no idea he sounded like such a giant ass. Men…

And now for something completely different.

Those who know me know that Doug just loves the $0.99 only store. Loves them. It’s almost impossible for him to leave one without buying something. The merchandise changes almost daily so I never know exactly what’s he going to bring home after stopping there. I’ve seen some pretty unusual things. But what he brought me yesterday just may be the most unusual yet- at least for a $ store.

Black stockings with the garter belt included!  Who knew? I was amazed. If they start selling the matching bra with nipples cut out of it they may just have to include an “adults-only” section. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

I started at CNN today and wound up at The Frisky.com. The Frisky is an interesting site. They had an article on lingerie today. They showed different “intimates” and asked men “Is this lingerie sexy?”  I thought some of the pieces were just a hoot. (Although I don’t they that they were designed to be that way.) Of course these items weren’t designed to be worn by a plus-size woman occasionally mistaken for a shar-pei.

I just had to share this one piece in particular with you. Sadly, if I wore this right now I’d have a striking resemblance to a ham. But don’t let me discourage you from ordering it. Now I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, but if you hurry, you might still be able to get this delivered before Valentine’s Day.