Years ago I heard somewhere that men are like rifles.  I wrote about this about a year ago.  This year, Doug was just crazy at the time being one of the big giant heads for the census; and I got forgotten- again.

Anyway, last year, I got pissed then cried. I was hurt. This year I was pissed, but then I got smart. I bought an entire new wardrobe of clothes for the upcoming trip to make myself feel better.

Luckily for Doug something in his brain told him “Don’t complain about all the money she’s spending.” Lucky for him, he listened.

So for the two weeks after our missed anniversary I shopped. My favorite purchase was a black and purple cocktail dress- my first.  I bought cute black pumps that hurt my feet to go with it. I was ready. We were going to go out in NYC one night, someplace really nice- very hoity toity- maybe even go dancing. Doug even took a suit. Houston just really doesn’t have places like that.

That was the plan anyway. Did it work out that way? Not so much.

A few days before we left, Doug told me that he’d invited Brett along for the trip. I love our son more than anything. But I knew that our room in Manhattan was small and with us on the bed and Evelyn on the couch, having Brett there too would make things really cramped. “Don’t worry. He’ll be staying with friends. We’ll just see him during the day probably.”

Did it work out that way? Not so much.

Because Brett came along on the trip, the trip morphed from a kinda-sorta second honeymoon (amazing since we never had one to begin with), to a business trip. Brett’s been wanting to start a food venture out of trailer in Austin. Food trailers are HUGE in Austin now.

So no romantic walks through Central Park for me. Walks where Doug might actually slow his pace to match mine while he holds my hand. Instead we were back to normal. Doug walks fast. Combine that with his almost freakishly long legs and I always feel like I should be walking around under a burqua; since I’m always 5′ behind. I really hate that.

I wonder if he turned around and saw me wearing one some day if he’d get the message then. Telling him for 28 yrs. sure hasn’t worked.

Before the trip I had a list of places that I wanted to go- the Central Park Zoo, the Top of the Rock, etc. I know, real corny, touristy stuff. But if you’re raised in Houston, you’ve seen this stuff in movies all your life. It always looks so romantic. I wanted to see it, experience it in person. Remember the end of Sleepless in Seattle?

Did it work out that way? Not so much. But did I get to see a bunch of restaurants that Doug wanted to check out.

We went to Lombardi’s in Little Italy to have the “best” pizza in NYC. Was it the best? I don’t think so. It was like a wet washcloth with toppings on it. The crust was way underdone. Not to mention that Doug ordered 2 lg. pizzas- for the four of us.  The 6 folks at the table next to us literally turned to watch and see if all that pizza on our table was actually going to be consumed. I felt like one of the Coneheads. We had a pizza box with us the rest of the day. 

We went to Serendipity 3- the home of frozen hot chocolate- one of Oprah’s favorite things. It looks mighty impressive on TV and when it’s set in front of you too. But we waited 90 minutes to get in. Was it worth it? I think not. They sell the mix- just mail order it then make it at home and serve it in a soup tureen. Please be sure to add sweetened whipped cream on top. They had plain; and I think it suffered because of it. Besides, $8.75 for each person? For that price, I’d better need a cigarette when I’m finished with a dessert. Sadly, I did not. Although I did feel somewhat violated, but not in a good way.

We lost 2 days and nights of our trip going to see chuckles in CT. I’d thought Doug and Brett were going to CT when Evelyn and I were at BlogHer. Just didn’t work out that way. So there went my special night out.

My beautiful dress hangs still unworn in my closet, my pretty pumps undanced in. On the plus side though I did leave CT with a lovely peach cardigan looking thing made of sweatshirt material. How did she know I’d been longing for one so so many years? I’ve worn it many times since we’ve returned. In fact I had it on today- I think with the heat index it’s only 110 outside.

So the closest thing I had to a “nice” night out was the night we ate in Hell’s Kitchen, only a few blocks from where we were staying. The food was great. I’d  Spanxed myself, put on a strapless bra and slipped into a cute summer sundress with spaghetti straps. The skirt swirled when I turned around. I love it. I wore some pretty summer sandals with 3″ heels. I looked good. We met my friend, Track, after dinner then we all went out for some drinks.

Track was doing shots with a beer. I had a couple of really good mixed drinks and by the time we got back to the room was feeling pretty good. I’d forgotten we were not going to be alone in bed. So no bowling or anything else that night. But the next morning we had Evelyn convinced that she’d been sleeping on the same bed, just a few inches from one of the wildest nights of slap ‘n tickle known to mankind. It was great. She was mortified. We let her think that for most of the day. We didn’t actually tell her that anything had gone on. We just didn’t tell her it didn’t.

So my dress is still waiting for it’s big debut. I’m thinking a cruise might be on our horizon, down the road a bit when all our dog drama subsides.

Now you have it. Inquiring minds wanted to know more details of our trip; and now you do.

BTW- I still consider the trip a big success. Although most of it didn’t go exactly as planned, I still had a great time with Doug, Brett and the Megalodon.

I woke up today and came to the computer. Doug was sleeping soundly and I saw no reason to wake him up just because it’s Valentine’s Day. Since I came home a few days ago, things have been OK; although he didn’t give me diamonds, write me a sonnet or even give me an “I’m sorry.” However, we’ve been talking more- more about things that really matter instead of just the day to day chatter that gets you by- Did you pick up the Rx? The car needs an oil change, etc.. We’ve actually been talking about something we’re working on to sell on ETSY, and from time to time even “feelings.” Since Doug was raised by emotionally constipated parents this is a big thing.

I made sure the first talk we had was at a restaurant. I did that to ensure that the conversation stayed low-key. (When I finally get upset about something I can get wound up when discussing it.) But we sat,  ate pizza and talked.  Since then we’ve had more talks. It’s been a good thing. It amazes me how the expectations in a relationship change over time; at least how my expectations have changed over time. When I was much younger, I always assumed that I’d need a grand gesture after a fight. Not anymore. (I guess I was just more superficial then.) Things come and go; it’s what’s there in between that matters.

A few minutes ago, Doug opened the door and came in with a Valentine’s Day trifecta- balloons, yellow tulips and a dozen Valentine cupcakes.  He definitely knows the way to my heart! I am such a foodie. (Sad but true.) FYI-  those cupcakes will be shared and eaten over the span of a few days.

I think we’re about to go to lunch then coming back to clean the house, then mop all the tile. How could anything else be more romantic than that?

So, if your significant other is in the habit of giving you gifts that are actually for him, now you can turn the tables. Put Dr. Weener’s Studmaster under the tree for him. The StudMaster is advertised as the Over-the-Hill Exerciser. The box states- At last an exerciser that conditions the one muscle that all other machines ignore! Another site states “It gives you a full aerobic workout where you need it most”. (I don’t know that I’d recommend that, or you both might be spending Christmas night in the ER). Hopefully your main squeeze might actually get the joke and catch on. Only $12.95. One size fits most.

Do you have a co-worker who thinks that they’re the best thing since sliced bread and unfortunately think that the workplace is a proper venue to share all their exploits? Are you subjected to a detailed analysis of their romantic pursuits every Monday morning as you sit in your cubicle and their sordid details spill over the partition? Here you go, a perfect gift for them- Phoney Hickeys. Now, just  like a 15 yr.old, they can display a badge of their exploits. (And hopefully leave out the audio portion of the presentation).

Now here’s an item that’s not so much a gift, but handy to have around during the holidays nonetheless. They say you can use them as handwarmers under your gloves. (I guess you could use them for that too). However, I’d just keep a pair around to put on that too “touchy-feely” neighbor or uncle who drops by. You know that guy. He just makes you feel uncomfortable with that pat on your butt or the hug that lasts just a moment too long. (Too bad he’s part of a combo deal that includes your best friend or aunt). This way at least your other guests can see him coming and take the proper measures.