Bodacious Boomer

All right, all right. Most people know I’m kinda strange; and every Superbowl Sunday I prove it. I don’t watch the Superbowl. There I said it.  I’m putting it out there for everyone to know. When I was growing up my parents were big fans of the Houston Oilers. My mom would have me sit on the couch next to her to watch the game and if they made a good play she’d go buck wild slapping my leg to make sure I saw it. (It got to be a joke in the family that no one wanted to sit next to her during a game.)

I remember my dad took me to the Oilers AFC championship game in December 1960. (I think 1960.)  Mom didn’t want to go because rain was predicted. A drunk guy sitting behind us spilled his bourbon all over my back. Then it started to rain. I sat reeking of bourbon, next to my dad while hunkering under an umbrella. My dad sat there in his raincoat and rain hat. He wouldn’t have been caught dead carrying, or God forbid, using an umbrella. (Back in the early 60’s my dad wasn’t the most evolved person when it came to what was manly and what was not.) I begged to go home as the rain pelted us. Usually I could always get my way with my dad; but not that day. He was resolute. We sat and it rained and rained then it rained some more. That afternoon sucked- a lot. A Houston team has never won, or even played in the Superbowl.

I went to the football games in high school because I was part of the drill team. I played a bugle in the Imperial Guard. Our uniforms were heinous- gray jackets with a gray pleated skirt. We wore gray Roman type helmets that had red brooms on the top. What was I thinking?

The year I was a freshman at UT we won the national championship. The city went wild! I remember being carried on stranger’s shoulders down “The Drag” AKA Guadalupe street after the game. (I was smaller then). Anyway, UT football is almost a religion in Texas and when they win the top of the tower on campus is lit up orange. When they win the national championship the whole tower is lit up orange. You can see the tower from 10 miles away. I still watch Longhorn football.

What I don’t understand though is why someone who has absolutely no attachment to either of the cities in the Superbowl would get so wound up about it. It’s beyond me unless it’s just an excuse to get together with friends, eat a lot of junk food and perhaps drink too much. I know the commercials are cute, but I caught those online this morning. Is there something else going on there that I’m just not seeing?

Do you believe in love at first sight? * I do, kind of.

According to Dr.Helen Fisher, we make the decision about whether a guy could be an appropriate match for us within the first three minutes. Instantly, actually in less than 1 second, you’ve already made the decision on whether or not he’s your cup of tea, physically. If he passes that hurdle, you’re checking out his voice next. Does he sound more like Tiny Tim, Tom Selleck or James Earl Jones? Do you like his voice? Once again, your decision is made within seconds.

If you’re lucky, you’re in a place where you can actually have a conversation, not a crowded club or concert. Now you can get down to the nitty gritty and have a discussion to base your decision on. How smart is he? I usually tried to date guys who had about the same intelligence as I do. I dated down once. Big mistake. He was just eye candy, a mimbo. What kind of background does he come from? He is interesting? Is he truly interested in you?

When Doug and I finally had our dance the night we met, something definitely clicked. I went back to his house for a drink and we stayed up talking all night- literally. Both our dads were engineers. We were both raised Methodist; both went to UT, and even worked at the same restaurant at the same time in Austin. I knew by dawn he was the one for me. He told me soon after we met that he had a date scheduled for the next night. (I’m guessing that was an easy out if it didn’t click with me). The next day I told him that I’d go on home so he could go on his date, no problem. He canceled his date. We’ve been together ever since and married three weeks later in a simple civil ceremony, just the two of us.

I guess it was love at first sight for us. I mean it wasn’t within the first three minutes, but it was within 12 hours. Apparently we’re in the minority though. Ayala Malach-Pines, PhD, of Ben-Gurion University in Israel, said only 11 percent of the 493 respondents in her survey said their long-term relationships started that way. Do you believe in love at first sight?

* Excluding your newborn.

Yesterday we had a booth at a Montessori school for their fall festival. While we were setting up the booth yesterday, Doug slipped and fell on the grass. I didn’t see the fall, just saw him getting back up. He looked at me and said “Don’t say anything”. So I didn’t. That $5 I had  given Madame Zelda, the evil but conservative gypsy, to put a tiny curse on him for the “pipe incident” of earlier in the week was money well spent I thought. The only thing that appeared to be hurt was his pride- which of course was all I wanted hurt anyway.

After arriving home after the event he announced that his ankle was hurting- a lot. I took a look-see. It was already swelling and turning colors. (It was obvious to me that by mistake Madame Zelda had used a $10 curse). I searched and finally found an Ace bandage, no small task here in Clutterville. So I wrapped his ankle, elevated it and gave him 4 Alleve. (I’d been told that in an acute situation that you could occasionally give someone 4 Alleve at once). After that I gave him dinner and covered him up. He was asleep before 8pm.

I awoke at 4:30am from a nightmare. I had dreamt that I had somehow been exposed to a gigantic dose of radiation. The only way that I would live is if all my blood was removed then replaced. As my blood was being drained, my skin was falling off. (I told it you it was a nightmare). All the while I had one of those huge bipap masks on. I fought like Hell to live and did live through all the treatments in my dream. The only downside when it was over was that I could no longer drive a car or have sex as much. (On the plus side, my new skin that grew had no wrinkles so I looked fabulous). In the last part of the dream, Doug left me and went off with some bimbo who could have sex all the time. I was PO’d- seriously PO’d. That’s when I woke up. I looked over at Doug and was still PO’d. Logically I knew it was a dream, but it had seemed so real. When Doug woke up later I told him about it. He said “So now I’m in trouble for something I did in a dream?”

When I was at UT, back in the dark ages, I took a course on the psychology of dreams. I wish I’d paid more attention. Maybe I did, but that was 40 years ago and the disc in my brain only holds so much. That info from that course probably got bumped by something more pressing like what time Seinfeld was going to be on for the 4th time today. Other than the bipap mask, which they had on my mom her last day, none of the dream from last night made any sense to me at all. Does everyone have such bizarre dreams? I once had a dream I was in a blimp with Nazis and we were going over the North Pole. Where does this stuff come from? Nazis? Blimps? I can’t even begin to speculate.

I just hope I don’t go back to Bizarroworld tonight. Once is enough. Today’s trivia answer- September 10, 1977.

Not actually. It was 40 years ago last May. How can that be?  Four decades- no way. But it was. Yes, my high school graduation was that long ago. Tonight is my high school reunion. I have never been to one before and am unsure what to expect. I wasn’t sure for awhile that we were going to be able to attend. However, Doug has made it back from Dallas, so we’re going. I haven’t gone to any of the other ones- ten years after I was still single and living La Vida Loca. (If I remember correctly I was also hospitalized with meningitis that very day). Twenty years later I was busy re-habbing Brett, usually taking him to two different therapies a day. My thirtieth reunion just came and went unnoticed so here we are.

My friend Dianne Ledet has been the driving force behind this. I just Facebooked her and she said there were 568 people in our graduating class. (I’d really forgotten that our class was that big). You’d think I would’ve remembered because I was on the school newspaper, The Tribune. Dianne, Laurie, Bonnie and I were all on the Tribune staff. Our journalism teacher/sponsor was Mrs. Early. As I recall she was nice, if a bit scatterbrained. Back then she was probably the age I am now. (That poor woman. Now I understand). After graduation, Laurie and I both went to UT and were in fact roommates for a year and a half.  (We had a falling out the spring of our sophomore year at UT and we’ve not spoken since). I think I heard she’s in Colorado. I hope she’s doing OK. I believe Bonnie went to UT also and in fact pledged Laurie’s sorority. Wanting to me as different as possible, I never went through rush. I stayed a rampant GDI.

These days it’s so much easier for the kids to keep in touch with their high school friends with the advent of Facebook and other social utilities. Brett has 921 Facebook friends. (Of course, he’s much more the social butterfly, so to speak, than I ever was). I had friends in high school, not hundreds of course, but quite a few. I think some of my apprehension about tonight is that no one will recognize me. Last night, I was watching a Time-Life infomercial: Flower Power, the 10 CD set.  Peter Fonda was the host. There were a few people who must’ve been my age sitting on the couch discussing how they remembered the music. They looked so OLD. Do I look that old? I don’t know. I joke about it all the time, but I really can’t tell.

Do we always see ourselves through rose colored glasses? I found a cute B&W polka dot skirt to wear tonight. The reunion is at a popular Tex-Mex place in town. I could wear jeans. However, then I may have to break my commandment about no Spanx for me, so a skirt with a casual shirt it will be. Overall, I’m pretty happy about my appearance when I’m clothed, except for my neck. It really bothers me. Every fall, just to be safe,  I go into hiding, not to reappear until at least after Thanksgiving. My friend Camille (Chin Hairs & other Nasty Surprises) would tell me “Are you crazy? Forget about it and go have fun”. I ‘ve really tried to embrace that philosophy wholeheartedly and I’m doing better. However, I’m not quite there yet. That being said,  I’m eagerly awaiting a FedEx package today. My set of  African neck rings should be here this afternoon. I know they were a splurge. However, it’s almost a BOGO. One, they will make me look taller, counteracting my wizened appearance and two, my turkey neck will magically disappear. Two problems solved for the price of one. I’m hoping they’ll catch on here. They might… I’ll let you know how tonight goes. Wish me luck. Today’s trivia answer- 550 tons.